Everything's Better With Webs
by ghirahim
Summary: On the surface Peter Parker is simply a college student but in reality/secrecy he's a superhero named Spider-Man with good intentions but a terrible rep. His rep gets thrown for a loop when a group of superheroes called The Avengers step into his hometown. He doesn't think much of them until Peter gets to know them behind their superhero personas and they ask Spider-Man to join.
1. Spider vs Spider

Disclaimer: I do not own the Spider-Man series – though I do have this kick ass spidey hoodie and a classic-ish Spider-Man poster but that is irrelevant; I also do not own The Avengers or any other marvel series here and who really knows what series I could be talking about at any given moment since they all exist in the same universe and often blend together? Having said that I own nothing – remember that – and I make absolutely no money from writing – remember this too; I'm just a broke ass lover of Marvel.

A/N: this is an alternate universe/reality of Marvel 616 (i.e. the 'comicverse' one of them anyway) ..._however_ I started watching Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes after I began writing this story, like when I started the second chapter to be precise, so I added a bit of that to here as well – starting from the second chapter _obviously._

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'Super' powers, apparently, held no real world application when it came to staring contests and why should they? It wasn't as though his eyes got stronger, okay that wasn't entirely true – he didn't need glasses full time anymore but still wore them infrequently. Couple that with the fact that the other participant of this staring contest seemed to be a professional his unusual gifts were not aiding him at all.

Peter felt his eyes straining to stay open but Gwen's seemed unblinking – eventually he caved giving his eyes some much needed relief. Hearing the expected cheering of his blonde friend, the brunet – after rubbing and closing his eyes for a few seconds – looked at her happily nuzzling her pudding cup. The stupid crap the two of them did just for fun. Peter had to think were they really college students sometimes?

"You're usually better than that Petey, something happen?" She inched closer to him. "Something... _super_."

Peter sighed, "I..." He glanced around the mostly empty university cafeteria before looking back at her. "I told you there is nothing 'super' about me."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "You say that yet I saw you lift that bank truck with one hand."

"Oh, is that right? I don't think they heard you in Jersey!" Sheepishly, Gwen covered her mouth. "Five years with these stupid 'powers' and I'm still not good at using them." He muttered.

"But you're doing good with them, right? Shouldn't that be what counts?"

The brunet had to admit, even though he wanted to keep his 'super' hero, crime fighting, vampire hour lifestyle as far away from mild mannered, just work and school, boring Peter Parker lifestyle Gwen Stacy was an impact on both – and a huge impact at that. He, being the wonderful social butterfly (insert sarcasm here), met her during some science field trip in high school – ah yes the very same trip that gave him the powers of a spider of all things. Normally, this would not sound interesting but he was basically a human sized spider and due to his size he didn't have to worry about getting squished on. Evidently, one spider power he received was the fear of getting stepped on but he didn't have to worry about that... _much – _only on occasion when he was surrounded by giants. He also got 'super' strength and the ability to crawl walls which was a very handy thing to have. Because he could not fly (and what spider _could_?) he invented these web shooter things to get him from place to place. He even had a costume and everything! Yup, a run of the mill freak under the guise of a hero.

Now, after Gwen told him off once they met again a few years later (he truly couldn't remember _why _but the blonde did enjoy chewing him out so it really could have been anything) they started getting closer. When she just so happened to stumble upon him webbing his torn notebook together (really not a good use of webs that were not cheap) a few questions had to be answered. That was almost six months ago and ever since Gwen made it her personal mission to be his 'super' powerless sidekick that Peter vehemently refused to put in the line of duty no matter how good her arguing skills were. And they were great!

Despite being the daughter of a cop, Gwen seemed more on Peter's side than her old man's. Perhaps it was post-teenage rebellion?

"Stop with all the angst." Gwen sighed flicking him on the forehead, "you don't have work today so lets do something that'll put something akin to a smile on your face?" She beamed at him. "Maybe we can check out those Avengers guys?" Peter groaned.

As if New York wasn't filled with enough costumed weirdos these guys who called themselves _'Earths Mightiest Heroes'_ decided to just show up out of the blue stealing Peter—uh, Spider-Man's— thunder. Yes, his 'hero' alter-ego was named Spider-Man. After all, he was a man that had powers of a spider. Now the Avengers... the Avengers were an army so that was fine, possibly. They had more experience in the crime fighting field and blah, blah, blah. They didn't care much about a lone wolf... _spider_. He was a small fry compared to the mighty Avengers; hell, every non Avenger hero was. But personally Peter never heard of the majority of these 'big named heroes' before they decided to form a 'superhero' band. Once he saved one of them and they told him not to get in their way! Who does something like that!?

"Pass. What makes them so great anyway?"

Gwen shrugged taking a sip of her drink. "You work for Iron Man, though."

Don't even get him started on that. Iron Man, not so secret identity of the billionaire philanthropist and a bunch of other things Anthony "Tony" Edward Stark, hired mild mannered Peter Parker (a science major and part time photographer) as an assistant to help him with research and whatnot. It was a good damn thing Spider-Man kept every none Gwen Stacy bit of his crime fighting and personal life separate because if they knew Peter Parker _was_ Spider-Man not only would he be fired but he'd possibly be imprisoned – or worse. He read newspapers (both Internet and real paper ones) and he watched the news about what happened to rogue heroes or anyone that crossed the Avengers. They seemed more like the mob than a group of heroes.

Though the only 'superheroes' from the Avengers he interacted or even saw up close with was Iron Man [suit or no suit since the man seemed to have no shame] – plus he worked for him so he was bound to see him show up from time to time and some guy named Clint who (in the field) called himself Hawkeye; he only knew that last bit because Tony told him when Clint wouldn't stop harassing him [Peter, _not Tony_]. Peter was sure that with enough liquor Tony could spill all the Avengers 'secret' identities – surely the other members had them, right? They weren't walking around... or flying around in costumes or suits of armor swearing they were the best thing since sliced bread. And he hoped they didn't go to the grocery store or movies with their costumes. Peter nearly got arrested for going into a fast food restaurant dressed as Spider-Man!

"I don't want anything to do with them. I have enough problems without all that."

"That's the spirit! Lets take a tour of Stark Towers and if anyone asked flash your badge and tell them you work there." Gwen shrugged at the incredulous look she received. "What? Its not lying."

"What's with the sudden interest?"

"_Sudden?_ Peter Benjamin Parker, you haven't been paying attention to anything, as usual!" He could swore he saw Gwen pout but she often claimed to be above that instead she pursed her lips. "JJ?" Peter's eyes narrowed. Even more infuriating than the Avengers was his [second] job at the Daily Bugle especially with J. Jonah Jameson as his boss. In a way that man was more of a threat than any 'super' villain Spider-Man took on. "Seems you two finally agree on something. He thinks the Avengers are more of a threat than Spider-Man."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Only slightly though. He stopped me on the street one day and just offered me a job taking pictures of the Avengers. I don't have to work at the Bugle or anything but he just wants pictures and said he'd pay for them so who was I to refuse? I like taking pictures and I enjoy this hero business so its a win-win."

"The Avengers are not going to let you take pictures of them."

"Ha ha. Don't be so sure."

"They almost had a mail man arrested." Gwen's grin instantly deflated. "And having JJ as your resource is not a good place to be, trust me I speak from personal experience on that one."

"Well, it wasn't just me. Apparently he's asking all university students to take pictures or get some dirt on the Avengers. Good news for you though. Since these guys showed up out of the blue its less work for your Spider-Man picture taking..."

Peter saw a couple of people walk by the table. Either Gwen had spider sense of her own or her peripheral vision was downright ethereal. Oh right! The spidey sense – another wonderful gift from the radioactive spider bite: in addition to improved reflexes, enhanced strength and the whole mind of a spider/wall crawling thing; Peter also got a sixth sense as it were. Aptly named the spider sense it gives Peter a warning of something – usually bad – going to happen _to him_. Most of the time it works but sometimes the darn thing seems to be on the fritz or gives some kind of delayed reaction. However, the spider sense doesn't work for other people. He was minding his own business walking when a car swerved off the road and hit a guy – no spidey sense there but when a stray cat jumped out of an alley at him it reacted! Yes, stray animals are potential threats but that guy got his entire left side crushed. Maybe there was a way to hone it but who could he train with? The only person who knew about his powers were Gwen and the spider that bit him (but who was to say the spider was alive or even cared that it was radioactive).

Once the people were out of an earshot, Gwen leaned closer to the table. "Lets pay the Avengers a visit anyway? If we tell them we're not here to take pictures they'll let us in."

"How can you be so sure?"

Gwen shrugged leaning back. "If that fails we still have your employee badge."

"What are the chances that you'll drop this?"

Gwen paused then leaned back tapping her chin. She leaned forward again frowning. "Very low." Peter sighed as she looked at him smiling.

"Fine. I had to go there anyway, apparently my boss prefers the good old fashioned way of throwing money in one's face so he—"

"Pays you with a check?" Peter shrugged noncommittally then shook his head, "are you trying to tell me he flat out gives you _cash? Weekly?_ Then how is it that you're always so damn broke?"

"Bills, the occasional school stuff, food, helping Aunt May, replacing the web shooters you seem to enjoy destroying." He muttered that last part but judging by the glare he was getting she heard him. As an added defense mechanism since Gwen Stacy enjoyed palling around Spider-Man a little too much, he gave her a web shooter to defend herself if necessary but mostly just to hightail it out of danger; though he did see her use them in several very non defensive methods... some he thought about using after seeing her pull them off. He had to admit she had more skill than he did but she kept breaking or using them all up. Which was exactly what he did when he first made them.

It was a miracle in itself that JJ hadn't asked for pictures of Gwen since he was so keen on destroying Spider-Man's not so credible reputation already. Surely, people _knew_ she hung around Spider-Man. But Gwen usually wasn't in the crossfire just on the sidelines – most of the time. Peter had no idea how she managed to get through the yellow tape or catch him at the end of a fight right when he was taking down the bad guy. The good thing about having Gwen along was she was able to take pictures closer than some of the cameras he had stationed around alleyways and the sides of buildings.

JJ usually paid according to the quality of the photo – key word being _usually_. But whenever Gwen took a shot worthy of a couple hundred bucks he gave the full amount to her, otherwise they split the pay down the middle. Peter was broke living on his own so he needed all the money he could get; though he didn't know if Gwen was still living with her parents or not.

"Still living with dear old dad?" Gwen scoffed so Peter took that as a no. The only reason why Peter moved out of his Aunt May's place was so that she didn't have to worry about all the mysterious bruises he seemed to get. She knew he was clumsy but even clumsiness couldn't cause some of the bruises that came up. He couldn't possibly tell her he was Spider-Man for millions of reasons but the main ones were if she knew she'd be at risk. Some super powered criminal would attack her just for kicks to get to him; another major reason was that she'd worry even more. Though, in hindsight, moving out might have had a negative reaction and made her worry all the same but with all the nights he crept into his room for four years trying not to wake her up. Constantly worrying if some villain followed him home? He couldn't bare the thought of losing his only family member so he moved out to protect her. They still kept in touch and he visited her all the time sneaking money into her cookie jar trying to pay her back for all the years she took care of him. She was a stubborn woman – clearly where he got it from – and refused to take any money from him but he couldn't get yelled at if he wasn't around after she already got the money.

"No." Gwen said standing up. "Dear old dad and I aren't on speaking terms since that last news report with me and Spider-Man."

Peter grimaced. That was six months ago! It was right after Gwen found out and would not leave his side until she got the whole truth. It took him two weeks to shake her. Even the news crew couldn't separate them but her face was mostly covered then and with all the crazy stuff that went on after that time period it was likely to be old news no one referenced.

"Peter!" The brunet flinched when a hand harshly clasped him on the shoulder. Peter glanced to the left seeing a blond occupy the seat next to him. "Done for the day or do you have other classes?"

Gwen rose an eyebrow sitting back down. She was under the impression that, due to Peter's lack of social etiquette, he didn't have many (if _any_) friends in ESU but evidently she was wrong. The newcomer seemed to notice her for the first time because he blinked at her before letting out a low whistle. "You... you're sitting _with_ Pete?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Interesting." The blond glanced at Peter who rolled his eyes. "In that case allow me to introduce myself. Jonathan Storm at your service." He held out his hand that Gwen shook but immediately recoiled. "Oh right!" He facepalmed. "Stupid me. Hold on a second." He rubbed his hand against his shirt then stuck it out again, "it'll be better this time. Promise." Glancing at the hand, Gwen tried shaking it again – it was slightly warmer than last time but still pretty damn hot so she settled for a short handshake then released. "Sorry. High body temperature." As Peter mumbled something the blond elbowed him. Gwen didn't miss that little exchange then it hit her. The blond was one of Peter's _superpowered_ friends but who the hell knew Peter's secret identity other than her? Did Peter ever mention a Jonathan to her?

"I'm Gwen."

"Gwen, sweet." The blond nodded then nudged Peter. "So... done for the day?"

"Yeah but we're going to Stark Tower." Gwen didn't miss _that_ exchange either. She doubted Peter would be cordial with a super villain so this guy had to be on the hero or at least anti-villain/neutral side. Because some neutral super-powered or otherwise better than normal folk costumed individuals often acted differently depending on their interest. That Taskmaster guy was the basic definition of neutrality and he was quite the gentlemen when he wanted to be. He was also, you know, civil – to a certain degree. He and Peter even cracked a few jokes at one another's expense before Peter got the ever-loving shit beat out of him _with his moves no less_! Gwen should have been shocked, really shocked, but Taskmaster saved her because she was on his bounty. Like _literally_ sitting on some passed out dude who got knocked out during the Spider-Man – Taskmaster brawl (technically, he actually got knocked out by Gwen getting knocked off the building landing on him). As they were hanging precariously over something Taskmaster stepped in and none too gently pulled her to safety then disappeared with the guy. Not exactly the best reason to be chivalrous but whatever.

"Sure. That sounds great." Caught up in her own thoughts, Gwen frowned as the two guys were standing talking with the blond grinning. Peter turned to her. "Come on Gwen, we're going." Schooling her features, Gwen stood she then deposited her discarded lunch into the basket then grabbed Peter's arm as he went to do the same.

"What superhero friend is that?"

"Wha—"

"Don't play dumb with me Parker. We could do this the easy way or the hard way."

Peter sighed releasing his arm from Gwen's grip. Which was a lot more difficult than he thought it would be – and he had 'super' strength! "We can talk on the way to the tower."

"She sure is happy." Peter couldn't help but nod. Before Peter got the opportunity to tell Gwen anything the blond sneezed and ...fire came out of his nose as well as everywhere else. It was a good thing, early on, he learned to walk around with fire-proof clothing or things would be super awkward with the blond running around in the nude. As expected, Gwen was shocked at the sudden revelation of a man being on fire next to her and before she set out to get a fire extinguisher Peter assured her it was somewhat normal.

Jonathan "Johnny" Storm otherwise known as The Human Torch was one of the members of the Fantastic Four along with his sister, Sue Storm – the Invisible Girl, Reed Richards – Mister Fantastic and Ben Grimm – The Thing; not exactly the most flattering superhero name ever given but he got by begrudgingly. They, along with Spider-Man, were the resident 'superheroes' (i.e. costumed weirdos) of New York dealing with super-villains (or regular villains) on a daily basis before the unscheduled/unwanted arrival of these Avenger people. They weren't the _only _costumed heroic weirdos around but they were a few of the well-known whether it was in a good way or, in Spider-Man's case, bad. Spider-Man worked with the Fantastic Four on occasion and he and Johnny got along pretty well; hell, he got along great with all four of them. Well he didn't _always _get along with them (Johnny in particular) but that was in the past.

About a year ago – three years after Johnny got his powers from some kind of cosmic rays or something, Peter didn't really remember – Spider-Man was just swinging by minding his own business with The Human Torch literally flew into him out of nowhere. Since the man was on fire Spider-Man's suit pretty much disintegrated ...at least parts of it, mostly the body area but some of the face too. Johnny and Peter knew one another from several shared classes so it was quite the reaction for Johnny to instantly recognize Peter. _Then_, if matters could not possibly get worse, Johnny deflamed due to the shock (or something?) and nearly fell into the Hudson River until Spider-Man caught him with his webs then the rest was history. Though Peter learned an important lesson and made sure he made his suit with fireproof material whenever he was around Johnny.

The three of them stopped in front of Stark Tower. There was no crowd of news reporters so that was a good sign. _Right_?

Peter flinched and stopped walking which went unnoticed by Gwen and Johnny who were walking and looking around, neither of them ever being inside the building before. His spider sense was tingling like crazy which meant trouble was brewing and he hoped it wasn't another angry stray. Not to say he wouldn't be able to deal with a stray. The hairs on his neck prickled until it escalated to a tinging of the spine then he just broke out in a whole body shudder which Gwen, the ever perceptive one, noticed. Now Johnny was looking at him concerned.

Not knowing the cause of his spidey sense flaring up he was set on shrugging it off until the a strong gust of wind blasted the tower doors (still intact) wide open propelling Gwen, Peter and Johnny into the receptionist desk. Peter always hated that damn thing and now he had another reason to.

Johnny was first to recover and gasped as a rather large (which might be quite the understatement) blond was looming over them with the strangest get-up imaginable and being in New York all his life he'd seen some unbelievable shit but nothing as unbelievable as _this_. If the man's unusual outfit as a whole didn't complicate things his rather large hammer did. He looked down at the blond whose hair started tinting orange mostly likely due to the fact that he was about to set ablaze. Ghost Rider literally had nothing on him.

Johnny only slightly had the ability to stop himself from just setting on fire. Spider-Man wasn't all that keen on his powers either and he had them longer. "Ah! I know you!" He said, _loudly_, hoisting Johnny off the ground with his hammer free arm. The media hadn't been too kind on the reveal of the Fantastic Four four years ago and Johnny (and by extension the rest of them) were still catching hell because of it. "Flame... Fire, _The Human Torch_." The man laughed heartily setting Johnny on the floor patting him on the back. If Gwen didn't know his identity before she would have found out now. She hazily glanced up at the giant as he set Johnny on the floor. "You must have a meeting with my comrades."

"W—Wha? Oh! No!" The blond waved his arms defensively. "I have no meeting. I'm here with..." He glanced at the brunet rubbing his back, "this guy. He works for Tony Stark."

The tall man's eyebrows drew together briefly. "Ah! You need to speak to Tony then. I will take you to him."

"Excuse me?" The tall man scooped him, Gwen and the semi-conscious Peter up then the doors opened with the harsh wind. A loud crackle of lightning was heard as the skies darkened suddenly.

"Thor!" The blond paused turning around causing the skies to clear up and the door to shut. He, still carrying the three of them, turned to the elevator were a redhead was standing with her hands crossed over her chest. "On Earth, we use elevators to go up." She looked in his hands, "and we don't grab kids and fly them to the top floor."

"Ah!" He released them and the redhead winced as they all fell unceremoniously out of his arms and onto the floor. "Of course. _Oh!_" He helped Johnny and a dizzy Peter up as Gwen quickly picked herself up. "They are here for Tony."

"Right..." She looked them over. "Well Tony is in the labs, as usual." She sighed, "oh! Where are my manners, Pepper Potts. Oh! _Peter?_" The brunet nodded slowly giving her a thumbs-up even though he wasn't sure where she was... at this point he wasn't sure where _he _was. He might have inhumane equilibrium but everything seemed out of balance right now. That Thor guy was freakishly... _everything_!

"Peter?" Thor looked down, "the assistant Tony speaks so highly of?" Thor hoisted him over his shoulder either not hearing or unconcerned with the undignified squawk that followed suit. "Then there is not a moment to lose. By the power of mj—"

"Lets just take the elevator."

After the elevator ride and being slung over Thor's insanely broad shoulders, Peter found his lost equilibrium but he still was slightly afraid of the huge guy that had his spider sense on edge since his unusual arrival. Johnny and Gwen were each at his side also weary of this Thor fellow and what rational minded individual wouldn't be?!

"_Mr. Stark._" Pepper walked over to a desk and stuck her foot out grabbing a board pulling her boss from under said desk. "You have guests."

"I thought you left _Ms. Potts_?" He said making grabby hands trying to get back under the desk.

"I did..." She pulled the board back as he was getting closer under the table, "and now I'm back but I'm leaving again. _Please_..." She glared at him, "refrain from doing any suicidal or explosive experiments/missions until I return in two days. In fact, don't do any after either."

He gave her a two-fingered salute and she sighed walking off. She sympathetically patted Peter on the shoulder before going in the elevator. The infamous genius, billionaire, philanthropist, semi-insane, incredibly flirtatious, futurist, techno-alchemist (not techno-_wizard_ because the guy had a serious disdain of wizards, witches, magic or anything of the sort) Tony Stark was simply clad in a pair of faded jeans and a gray a-shirt covered in grease and oil; the material of his shirt was thin enough so you could see the bright glow of the arc reactor in his chest …or maybe the light was so bright it could be seen through his clothes. Obviously, he wasn't one of those billionaires who perished the mere thought of getting their hands dirty. That was one of the things Peter liked about the guy. Tony was _always_ getting his hands dirty. Tony had serious trust issues about just anyone touching his stuff and Peter felt kinda good that Tony trusted him (or more specifically his brain) around his stuff. And what great stuff did Tony have to touch! Wait, that didn't sound right.

"Ah! My assistant's here and he brought friends." Iron Man _had_ to know The Fantastic Four – Reed was a science nut after all so they must have bonded over science stuff. In fact, Reed was often a visitor here. He didn't know Peter's secret identity like Johnny did so they met on occasion, as Peter Parker and Spider-Man. The Fantastic Four (like Iron Man) didn't have secret identities like Spider-Man did. But having Spider-Man related thoughts around people that didn't know he was Spider-Man was not the best thing to do.

"Yup. Nice digs you got here Stark." Johnny said appreciatively. "I can see why Reed's always gushing." Well, that confirmed just about every thought Peter entertained.

Gwen blinked as all eyes fell on her. It was kind of unfair that everyone was so damn buddy-buddy but her but she was the only non super powered or altered being here. Sure, she was in the news being around Spider-Man all the time and whatnot but she steered clear of that for a while so they might not know who she was. "I'm Gwen."

"You were in the news palling around with that Spider fellow." Tony picked up a rag and wiped his hands off – though they were still pretty greasy when he was finished. "You're also Captain Stacy's daughter." With a sigh, Gwen nodded. "Oh! And you brought Thor?"

"We didn't bring him, he sort of brought us here." Johnny said rotating his left shoulder.

Tony blinked as the large man patted him on the shoulder. "I have come for a visit, to see my fellow Avengers of Midgard!"

"Is that so." Tony smiled patting Thor on the shoulder. "Then by all means visit away. I don't exactly know where everyone is but..." He shrugged trailing off. Tony didn't exactly build his tower with the intent of housing superheroes (or the occasional anti-hero) but it was convenient for people who, more or less, worked together to just live in the same damn building whenever they were in the city... or in Thor's case the planet (or was it _world_?). It saved a lot of time having to call/track these damn people down putting them in close proximity but not close enough that they wanted to kill each other... constantly. They used to be at Stark Mansion but with so many super villain threats and different people coming in and out the tower was probably the best place for some kind of hero gathering. _Plus_, with all the attacks the mansion was dealing with repairs once again.

"Aye, I shall locate them but..." Peter stiffened when he felt Thor's hands, hammer and all, on his shoulder. "Your assistant is particularly small... and stringy." Tony, Gwen and Johnny stifled their laughter at that. Peter scowled. He wasn't small! He was just two inches away from six feet! _Plus, _he was still growing! And why Johnny was laughing was beyond him since they were the same height! "Does he require sustenance?"

"Oh no. Well..." Tony shrugged, "possibly—" He ignored the glare Peter was giving him. "But I prefer the small stringy assistants, they move around the lab faster."

Thor nodded, "but we shall prepare a meal just in case."

"A fine idea. Assemble the Avengers in the kitchen for some ...uh, team cooking exercise or something." Tony winced as Thor patted him on the back before sprinting off. "Petey my darling, I require your assistance once more." Tony walked over to the brunet swinging an arm over his shoulder. "You two can look around but Storm if you break something, so help me, it'll be on your ass."

"Why are you warning me?" The blond said with a huff folding his arms over his chest.

"My last lab was set on fire." Still huffing, Johnny put his arms at his side. "And I don't even want to know how you managed to set my hot tub on fire last time." Johnny grimaced. Truthfully, he didn't know how that happened either. He figured he'd go out when he hit the water not set it on fire. He'd make a mental note to ask Reed if that were physically possible; well it had to be possible since it happened but was it likely to happen again. That sort of thing. Of course it would take a while to ask – at least until Sue didn't destroy things with the mere mention of Reed's name. It would be easy to understand if they went through a tough breakup but they weren't even dating! As smart as Reed was when it came to science he was unbelievably stupid when it came to people... particularly perhaps the only individual in any planet that possessed romantic feelings for him. Johnny told his sister she could do better and got a black eye because of it! So he and Sue were sort of taking a break from the Baxter Building (i.e. staying the hell away from Reed and, unfortunately – sort of, by extension Ben). It was mainly for Sue's benefit but Johnny wasn't about to stay with them over his sister. Still, when the Fantastic Four were called upon for whatever reason the siblings joined up with Reed and Ben, albeit begrudgingly. Sue usually didn't talk to Reed though... unless it was absolutely unavoidable. And when she did talk it was brief and with some kind of sarcastic remark. Johnny was a bit proud of her during those moments.

Tony glanced at Johnny once more before turning to Gwen. "Fire extinguishers are all around so don't hesitate to put him out should the need arise." Gwen nodded watching Peter and Tony walk off.

"You set a few rooms on fire and you're branded for life!" Johnny sighed. Just as he felt himself heat up (and Gwen may or may not have been inching toward the closest fire extinguisher), his cellphone started ringing. He fished it out of his pants and rose an eyebrow at the phone that had a picture of him and his sister together smiling making silly faces with bunny ears over the other's head above the picture was the name and number of _Sue_. He glanced at Gwen who was still by the extinguisher but made no move to grab it. "I gotta take this." She nodded then he pressed the talk button. "What's up Sue?"

_"Are you in the Avengers Tower?"_

Johnny bristled. "You didn't take that tracking device off me?"

He heard the distinct laughter of his sister which made his eyes narrow. "Duh!" She stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _"Of course I didn't. As a matter of fact, I don't even know how! Besides, you're always getting into trouble so this'll help me find you faster. Now then, why didn't you tell me you were heading there? Didn't you think I wanted to meet those Avenging people too?"_

"It wasn't premeditated sis, it was all Petey."

"_Petey? You mean that kid you followed to ESU because he beat you in some stupid game like three years ago?_" Johnny grit his teeth. Why he told Susan _everything_ was beyond him. Of course she, in turn, told him everything which was a pretty fair deal – she even told him things he didn't want to know. Things he _really_ didn't want to know. Well, they only had each other so if he didn't tell her he'd have no one to talk to and vice versa. The Storm siblings were a packaged deal after all. "_Luckily I'm not too far_."

"I know you got the tracking device in me but I really thought you were above stalking Sue. For shame."

"_Please. I have better things to do than stalk my little brother. I'm already in the city and Stark Tower is in the middle of Manhattan which anyone can be not too far from. Just find some way for me to get in there._"

"Why should I? You're the Invisible Girl!"

"_My clothes don't turn invisible Johnny and while I'm sure you'll say something about it being perfectly good streaking weather I absolutely refuse to get naked in the middle of the day on the street!_"

"Fine. I'll meet you by the entrance. Just make sure some hammer wielding handsome blond guy doesn't blow the doors down."

"_Some _**what**?"

Grinning, Johnny pressed the talk button on his phone ending the call. "I gotta get my big sis. Tell Stark not to lock me out." Gwen nodded as Johnny sprinted toward the elevator. She turned back to Peter who was talking/laughing with Tony then some new guy came out from one of the halls or something. Trying to eavesdrop without seeming like she was trying to eavesdrop, Gwen inched a bit closer.

Peter flagged the guy who was surprisingly shorter than he was. "Doctor B, good seeing ya." Gwen glanced at them while simultaneously checking the elevator for Johnny's reappearance with his sister. Peter went on about this 'Doctor' guy – Banner if she remembered. He didn't seem all that super-power-_y_ but then again neither did Peter out of his costume.

"You too Peter." He glanced at Tony then rose an eyebrow. "I hope Mr. Stark didn't call you here for some mundane reason like asking where his car keys were or something?"

"Brucie your words _wound_ me." He said shaking his head, "and that only happened once."

"Once at four in the morning." The shorter man countered.

"Actually, I came here for payday Doc." Peter didn't really want to get into that awkward albeit hilarious phone call with his boss a few weeks ago. He didn't know if Tony was wasted or just simply disoriented; Peter had seen both on occasion and couldn't truly differentiate between the two unless there was a bottle (or two) of liquor on Tony's person. No, even then he really couldn't differentiate.

Gwen returned her attention to the elevator in time to see Johnny and a beautiful blonde step out laughing. "So this is Tony Stark's building?" The blonde wondered aloud. "Well, _one of them_?" She looked around then her eyes fell on Gwen who inadvertently stiffened. "Hi." She said walking toward her holding out her hand that Gwen shook. "Susan Storm."

"Gwen Stacy."

"Captain Stacy's daughter?" Gwen nodded then Sue elbowed Johnny who hissed. "As you can probably tell Johnny is my idiotic little brother."

"And Sue is my nagging older sister." The blond winced as his sister elbowed him again.

"See? What did I tell you? Idiotic, right?" Gwen chuckled. "Where's Mr. My Home is Far Nicer Than Anything You Can Afford?" Gwen jerked her thumb toward the trio still talking.

She hooked elbows with both Johnny and Gwen then approached the trio. "Ms. Storm, wonderful to see you as always."

"The feeling is mutual, Mr. Stark." She let go of Gwen and Johnny as she and Tony hugged briefly then kissed on the cheek, professional and whatnot. "Good seeing you as well Doctor Banner."

"The same to you Susan."

"Yeah, always a pleasure Doc." Johnny chimed in, "can't forget about the last science nerd convention where Re—_ow!_" Johnny yelped as Sue stepped on his foot then acted like she hadn't moved at all. She then turned to Peter.

"Oh, this is your assistant? Hi! Sue Storm."

"Peter Parker." They shook hands. "Can't believe Johnny's your brother."

"I know, its hard to believe myself sometimes." She laughed. "But you're not supposed to understand family."

"You're not supposed to follow them either." Johnny muttered rubbing his foot.

Bruce glanced at him then turned to Susan. "I take it you never took that tracker off Johnny then?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Frowning slightly, Sue shook her head. "I can take a look at it, if you'd like?"

"I'd like to be able to know where Johnny is but..." She inched closer to Bruce then cleared her throat. "I don't exactly know _where_ the tracker is on his body." She whispered then moved back frowning. "Or _in_ – if you get my drift."

"Wait— _Oh_!" Bruce blushed slightly then waved off the concerned glances he was getting. "That is a problem... but I'll still take a look. Tony?"

"Hm?"

"We need to borrow an x-ray machine." Johnny's jaw dropped and Gwen and Peter stared wide-eyed at Bruce who was vehemently avoiding eye contact with anyone.

Tony whistled, "I need to see this."

"No you don't! Please don't tell me that x-ray machine is for me Doc."

"Okay, I won't tell you." Johnny stared at him who was still avoiding looking at anyone.

"Tony!" Everyone looked up at the man leaning on the rail frowning. "Did you see the news?" When Tony shook his head the man jerked his head upward. "You guys might want to take a look at this."

When everyone got upstairs via elevator Gwen, Sue and Johnny were introduced to James Rhodes or "Rhodey" as Tony – and by extension everyone who seemed to gravitate around the billionaire – liked to call him. Peter met Rhodey the first time he visited Stark Tower a year ago. Hard to believe he was working here for a whole freaking year! The man had been the one interviewing him since he knew Tony better than anyone and Tony wasn't available for some reason or another. It turned out that Tony had the uncanny ability to scare potential employers away so Rhodey thought it would be the safest option if someone else interviewed new hires. But that wasn't why they were here. On the enormous Thor sized, flat screen TV was Spider-Man only it couldn't possibly be Spider-Man since Spider-Man was watching himself on the TV. It wasn't the first time someone tried to emulate the costume; imitation was the sincerest form of flattery after all. Only this _'Spider-Man' _wasn't a man at all. Judging by the skin tight suit this spider thing was definitely a woman – and a woman in great shape to boot. But as nice as she looked, New York was a one costumed Spider state so this spider chick had to go.

Naturally, the newscast was brought on by the one and only JJ who kept shouting things but since Peter couldn't stop himself from tuning out JJ if he tried he only heard the word _menace_ a few times then he was sure he heard him say something about gender confusion. "_—All this talk about how _great_ Spider-Man is when he can't even decide whether or not he really is a __**he**__?! If this is what—" _JJ gaped as the mic was snatched from him.

"I'm not Spider-Man." The costumed woman said standing atop the news desk. "_Obviously_." Peter could tell she rolled her eyes, even if the mask was covering that part of her face. "I'm Spider-Woman; not really original but whatever." She kicked JJ's chair pushing him out of the camera screen then inched closer to the camera. "Eyes up here big boy." She whistled then the camera moved up to her grinning masked face. "Now then." She cleared her throat. "Hey hey Spidey, I know you're watching kid so I'll get to the point. New York may have a population of eight million but its not nearly big enough for two spider heroes to call it home. So, I'm calling you out Spider-Man. I want a good old fashion Spider to Spider duel."

"Ever hear of a Spider-Woman?" Rhodey asked Tony who shook his head. "Isn't S.H.I.E.L.D. supposed to have data on _every_ New York hero and villain?"

"Supposed to and I don't think its just New York. In any event, they don't even have info on Spider-Man let alone a Spider-Woman."

They weren't exactly whispering since everyone else was too absorbed in the news feed but Peter heard them perfectly clear; though he was confused about what a shield had to do with data? Was it a special kind of shield or was it some superhero thing he didn't understand? More importantly the less info they had on Spider-Man the better – and _no_ info was great!

He frowned at the screen balling up his fists. If Spider-Woman wanted a good old fashion duel, she was going to get one.

"By the way..." Bruce cut in, "Thor's in the kitchen with Natasha and Carol." He glanced at Tony who took a sip from a mug he was not holding a second ago. "He said something about preparing a feast. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Tony merely shrugged and Rhodey glanced at him then his empty hands.

"Did you steal and drink from my cup?" He asked taking the cup back glancing down at it noticing it was a lot emptier than when he had it a few seconds ago.

Tony shrugged again then reached for the cup Rhodey moved out of his reach, "it wouldn't be the first time." He muttered. Rhodey glanced at him then shrugged drinking from the mug ignoring Tony's complaining.

"Hey, we can stay for a feast right?" Johnny asked locking his hands behind his head.

"You might not be able to eat after we extract that tracking device from your body." Tony said behind the mug drinking. Johnny glared at him.

"I think it would be best..." Bruce coughed still glancing at the television where cops were now unsuccessfully chasing Spider-Woman around the news station. "to look over Johnny before he puts anything else into his body."

"Is that your diagnosis, Doc?" The blond asked.

"Uh, sure. Lets go with that. In any event, we should head to that x-ray machine now." The group headed into the elevator and down a few floors before reaching their destination down the hall. "Before we enter you guys might want to suit up." Bruce said pointing to a couple of containment suits lined up against the wall. When Johnny walked toward them, Bruce held him back shaking his head.

"Does that include me?"

Bruce sighed. "Yes Tony, you too." Grumbling under his breath, Tony put on his suit then put the goggles over his head.

"What if he sets it on fire?" Sue asked adjusting the goggles over her face.

"Yeah..." Tony punched a couple of keys into the keypad by the door. "Lets just say, its in all of our best interest if he doesn't." Johnny gulped. "The most we can do if it did come to that is the fire extinguishers."

"Doctor B, aren't you gonna put on your suit?" Peter asked pulling his suit over his body. Bruce blanched briefly then schooled his features reaching for a suit slowly putting it on. It would be suspicious being the only non tested person not to don a suit, even if he didn't need one. But how did you explain that you couldn't get possibly any more radiated than you already were? That you were immune to all – _other – _radiations? Yeah, he was fond of Peter so he didn't want to scare him off. Even though Peter proved he didn't scare easily since he was constantly exposed to Tony's general ...Tony-_ness_.

As they entered the room Sue, Gwen, Peter and Rhodey were standing on a second floor watching the x-ray machine and Tony and Bruce below talk science stuff to one another. They offered Peter the chance to join them but he politely refused. Not because he was afraid but he was more interested in watching. And if he was working and being 'serious' he couldn't get the grand opportunity to make fun of Johnny.

Johnny stood against the wall in nothing but his boxers which earned a few whistles from both Sue and Peter that made him blush. He was all for being partially dressed but not like this. "Why am I almost naked?"

"You're lucky you're not fully naked. Of course—"

Bruce sighed elbowing him. The last thing he needed was _another_ Tony Stark story about being half, almost or fully naked somewhere. "Well we need to x-ray your entire body."

"I've gotten x-rays before and I was fully clothed with that weird mat over my body—"

"Ever get a full body scan?"

"No but—"

"Start up the machine Brucie." Nodding, the shorter man pulled a rather large lever. The damn thing looked more like a laser an x-ray machine. "If I were you Jonathan..." Tony put his goggles over his eyes, "I wouldn't move."

Gulping, Johnny nodded standing still as the x-ray scanned him. Tony was known for screwing around but with a machine that large and potentially dangerous he wasn't about to call his bluff.

Bruce turned to Tony raising an eyebrow. "I can't say I remember the last time I got an x-ray but I'm pretty sure doctors don't let their patients strip down to their underwear to get an x-ray."

"Then its a good thing this isn't a doctor's office Doctor Banner." Bruce frowned but didn't miss the smirk Tony was giving him even though Tony was still looking at the x-ray machine. "Besides, what fun would it be getting x-rayed fully clothed? Furthermore, I don't have any hospital gowns so his clothes – being fireproof I'm sure – might have very well affected the machine's ability to x-ray him fully."

"Yeah, I think you're full of it Tony."

"You might be right about that Bruce." Bruce held up some of the x-rays that came off the machine showing them to Tony who whistled. "You might want to get his sister."

Sue blinked as Bruce motioned for her after turning off the machine. "Uh-oh." She said frowning behind her suit. She wondered if she even needed on. She got hit by cosmic rays after all so any other radiation seemed kind of impossible, right? Nevertheless, she didn't want to grow an extra limb or something just because she got radiation atop radiation. She was content with occasionally turning invisible, thank you. She walked down the small staircase and approached Tony and Bruce. "Y-Yes?"

Tony wordlessly hung the x-ray in Sue's face who almost immediately started laughing. "Exactly." Tony said taking the x-ray back. "Should I ask?"

"I wouldn't know." She said in between laughs.

"I suppose its in _everyone's_ best interest if we just let it pass." Bruce said even toned even though he looked like he was struggling with containing his laughter. "Might as well show the others, they'll find out eventually right? Did you use a fireproof tracker?"

Sue nodded clearing her throat once her laughter ebbed. "It was hard to find online but not impossible." After being gestured to come down, Sue held up the x-ray for Gwen, Rhodey and Peter.

"How did the tracking device get _there_?" Peter asked pointing at the x-ray.

"It goes through the bloodstream." Bruce explained. "We're lucky its in his stomach and not somewhere more... intimate."

"Like his ass, which is where it'll end up eventually." Bruce elbowed Tony then sighed. The six of them looked at Johnny who was still standing completely motionless. "We should let him move, right? We don't _have_ to but—"

"Johnny." He cracked an eye open staring at the six identical suits. The shortest one had to be Susan – or was it Gwen? He got his answer when one of the suits took a step forward and took off its helmet revealing his sister's face. "Put your clothes on."

"Hell of a meal..." Clint looked around before approaching the table, "and its not even my birthday." He reached for a plate when a hand slapped his. "Dammit Natasha." He winced rubbing his hand as the redhead stood beside him leaning against the table shaking her head.

"Do not touch Barton." As another hand reached for some of the food she slapped that away too. "That goes for you too Wilson."

"But I _helped_!" He protested sitting on the floor.

"Doesn't matter. We can't eat until Stark gets here with that kid he seems to be fond of torturing. At least that's what Thor said, some Asgardian rule or something." She shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"That's a lie, you know everything."

"Not about Asgard."

"Anyway..." Clint rubbed the back of his neck. "Where is Stark anyway?"

"Apparently, Jonathan Storm is here getting an x-ray."

"For that tracking device?" Natasha rose an eyebrow. "Common superhero knowledge. Its not like I had a hand in it or anything."

She looked him over still raising an eyebrow. "Right... speaking of superheroes, there was a news report about some kind of Spider-Woman. Hill tell you anything about that?"

"Former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, remember?" Natasha rolled her eyes, "guess you really don't know everything. I did see the news though and I have to say she might give you a run for your money in the looks department."

"She was wearing a mask Clint."

"Yeah but her face was only one point with looks." Natasha shook her head. "If there is some kind of bug duel going on you should definitely join being _Black Widow_ and everything." She folded her arms over her chest. "Don't look at me like that." Clint looked around. "Now not that I don't enjoy free food but why is it all here? For Petey?"

"You know him?"

"More or less. When he's here with boring ass Stark I show up from time to time and make his job a little more bearable."

"How noble of you."

"Isn't it? Now I need to get some food in me before I pass out. Come on Sam, lets raid the fridge." He gave her a two-fingered salute before venturing in the kitchen. The man formerly sitting on the floor got up and happily trotted off after Clint.

A blonde came out of the kitchen wiping her hands. "Who invited Hawkeye? He nearly knocked me down! Falcon too."

He just shows up from time to time Carol. Have you ever met Stark's assistant?"

"Peter?" Carol nodded. "He's sweet." Natasha rose an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that. Anyway, you're not worried about that spider duel are you? I'm sure you'll get invited to the next one." Natasha sighed. "Oh! Or are you _indifferent_ because you haven't met him yet? Peter, I mean. He doesn't treat us like superheroes just like regular people. Its nice – kind of humbling. Of course he doesn't know most of us are Avengers anyway. At least I don't think he knows. I'm not a telepath or anything." She shrugged.

Frowning (possibly – Carol looked up and though Natasha's facial expression had not changed in the slightest she was certain the redhead was frowning but like she said she wasn't a telepath), Natasha walked into the kitchen and grabbed Clint by the back of his collar. He looked up and his cheeks were puffed from obvious face stuffing. Sam was on his left, sitting on the counter, munching away on some chocolate chip cookies in a box with Jen next to him eating as well. She looked down at Clint before her head snapped up to the large green-skinned woman leaning over the counter. "What are you doing here Jen?"

"Hm?" She said standing and stretching. "I was in New York and no better place to crash than Stark Towers. Beats the hell out of any hotel. Plus, who'd pass up and all that food out there? Oh and I also came here to see Bruce about some stuff."

"Doctor B is with Mr. Stark." Sam said in between bites. He swallowed then took a handful of cookies out of the box. "They're doing x-rays on Johnny Storm for that tracking device. I saw Mr. Rhodes with them too. And a few other people I don't know."

"Kid, you gotta stop being so formal." Clint said standing up. "Mind not stretching out my clothes." Natasha reluctantly released him. "Its not time to eat already is it?"

"Walk with me Barton." With a sigh, he nodded but not before grabbing the box of cookies from Sam's hands then leaving the kitchen.

"You'll get ants if you eat outside the kitchen!" Jen hollered then paused when she saw Hank Pym walk by the kitchen. "You see!" Clint turned around laughing until Natasha grabbed him making him walk off.

As they were walking, Clint leaned the box closer to Natasha who took a few cookies out eating them. "What's up Nat? Wanna spar or something? Too hungry to do it now though."

"How could you possibly be hungry? You must have eaten half the box by now." Clint shrugged. She took the cookie box from him but before he could protest she thrust a file in his hands.

He skimmed through. "A _blank_ file?"

"You and I are going to scope out the spider fight. You find out whatever you can on Spider-Man and I'll take Spider-Woman."

"Not really a spider but sure, what the hell, you got it partner." They shook hands then Clint grabbed the cookie box from Natasha. "Gotta ask, why me though?"

"I'd prefer not to get killed in the crossfire and I need someone I can trust as backup."

"You trust me? That's so cute." Natasha rolled her eyes taking some more cookies. "You're gonna ruin your dinner young lady." She shrugged, "you just want me there in case the thing turns out to be a bust. At least you won't be completely bored and you'll have my handsome face to look at."

"Sure, something like that." She smirked as he shook his head.

"How do you know the fight will be tonight? Spider-Woman wasn't exactly... the whole thing didn't seem that well thought out."

"Well we need to be prepared in case it is tonight." Clint nodded. Then the elevator pinged and Tony came out with Bruce and a few other people. "Stark."

"Romanoff." He eyed the box of cookies before looking at Clint. "How many does that make this month Barton?"

"Dunno. You're the genius Stark." Natasha elbowed him. "Oh, Petey come here." The brunet complied walking over to them. "Peter Parker, this is Natasha Romanoff. She's my work sister. That's a real thing, right?"

"Nice to meet you." Natasha said shaking hands with him.

"You too."

Clint slung an arm around Peter's shoulder. "So... the tracking device, was it in his dick?"

"Stomach."

"Seriously?" He leaned back off Peter slightly grinning at Tony. "You owe me cash Stark."

"Yeah, yeah." Tony waved him off.

"Wait, you two seriously bet on where the tracking device would be?!" Johnny cradled his face in his hands groaning.

"Yup. It wasn't just us, a few of us were there." He offered the box to Peter who happily accepted it thanking him before stuffing his face.

Tony walked over to Peter and Clint snatching the box of cookies, "you're gonna ruin my assistant's appetite. Thor put this whole damn thing together for Peter and Carol sent me a text saying he's flying up and down the tower talking about meal time so we should head to the kitchen." He took out a few cookies eating them while glaring at Clint who returned the glare.

The kitchen was huge and Peter stared in awe of it every time he came into it or around it. Introductions were given all around though Peter knew a couple of people by coming her almost every day, Gwen didn't know anyone and some people didn't know Susan either but Johnny's reputation preceded him so damn near everyone knew about him – or at least about the tracking device.

Stark Tower – or Avengers Tower, whichever – fittingly had a table suited for superheroes. The table was huge and filled with food Peter couldn't wait to devour. He'd take the stringy comment if it meant he got to eat like this from time to time.

"Friends!" Thor boomed standing in front of the largest food filled table. "It is a pleasure to have you all here. Tonight we feast in honor of Tony's assistant Peter." Peter blushed as everyone started clapping and he heard a few catcalls coming from Clint's direction.

"I'd like to say a few words." Clint said holding up his glass, "why aren't these glasses full?" He put the glass down then poured some wine into it. "It isn't easy hanging around Stark." He lifted his glass again sending a wink at Tony earning a few chuckles. "And working for him is sure to be hell. Hell, working _with_ him is hell—"

"What Clint means to say is... raises your glasses ladies and gents as we toast Peter and me, of course, for hiring him. Well Rhodey hired him but whatever. And of course we can't forget Thor for putting this whole thing together, now can we?" Everyone raised their filled glasses and chanted in unison, -_To Peter-_, before emptying their glasses; most people in a single gulp. Since this thing was for Peter they did allow him to get a glass of wine but since he was underage they didn't fill his or Gwen or Johnny's glasses. Peter wasn't sure if Johnny was of legal drinking age but they probably didn't want to give him alcohol since he could set on fire on a whim – and sometimes when he didn't want to. "Dig in ladies and gentlemen! Oh wait, we gotta let the guest of honor get in first. Asgardian rule, right Thor?"

Peter blushed as everyone was watching him smiling, patting him on the back and whatnot as he walked by. Nodding, approached the table – approached Thor who was still setting off his spider sense – and happily accepted the plate the big guy was holding for him. Peter figured it was that whole squishing thing that made Thor's presence cause his spidey sense to act up because if the guy wanted to hurt him he would have done it already with gusto. He was probably the gentle giant type and speaking of giant... there was a large green woman next to Carol that Peter _needed_ to be introduced to; like pronto. Thor clasped a hand over his shoulder nodding with a grin. "Thank you, for the feast. I appreciate it."

"It was my pleasure, you have my thanks for your assistance to Tony." Peter beamed. "His disposition brightened significantly with your arrival I have been told. I only wish I could have witnessed the momentous occasion first hand." Peter didn't think he had that much of an impact, he was just helping the guy with experiments but he'd take thanks where he got them. "Friends! The time has come to engorge ourselves!" The group cheered approaching the table. Peter was grateful for his 'stringy' body since he managed to slip through the crowd of much larger individuals making a beeline for the food. There were other tables around the eating area – in some cafeteria style way but it was still nicer than anywhere Peter could eat normally.

Suddenly, the giant green woman took a seat next to him. "You're Tony's hired help? Didn't think you'd be so cute." Peter winced as the woman pinched his cheeks. "Jennifer Walters, Jen, or She-Hulk if you prefer, whichever." She shook his hand and Peter had to try and not wince (again) as she practically broke a few bones in his hands with her massive strength. Sure, Spider-Man had 'super' strength too but he wasn't as strong as this lady. "I guess you can call me an intermittent Avenger. On the subject of intermittent..." She looked around, "where the hell is Bruce?"

"You mean Doctor B? You know him?"

"_Know him_? He's my cousin." Peter spit his water out. "Don't choke now." She patted him on the back grinning. "I don't look like this all the time. Gamma radiation, you know. Long story. I'll tell you someday."

"Doctor B was with Tony when they did the x-ray on Johnny."

"Right." She scanned the room again, "he must have scurried off somewhere. He's not much for parties. Damn!" She slammed her hand on the table then grimaced as she noticed it cracked. "Oops."

Tony turned around as he was getting his plate and came face to face with Natasha. "So what brought on this feast?" She asked raising an eyebrow. "And I know you or James wouldn't just hire anyone that came calling. I take it the kid's quite the genius."

Tony nodded then swore as Clint came out of nowhere snatching the box from him and running off. "I'll get you Barton!" He turned back to Natasha. "What were we talking about? Oh yea, even by my standards Peter's brilliant! He's right up there with the big geniuses like myself and Bruce... and I guess Reed's there too." He shrugged. "But as for the feast, it was all Thor; he said Petey's too stringy." Natasha glanced at the table Peter was at then turned back to Tony. "Don't look at me like that." He walked off eying her once more before going over to the table with Rhodey.

She looked around the eating area, all of the tables were close enough if someone wanted to just switch seats – like Clint – they were able to easily. Speaking of Clint, he had his arm around Bruce laughing. They just moved to the table with Tony, Rhodey and the Storm siblings. With his free arm Clint was throwing food at Johnny who reciprocated less accurately. All in all, everyone seemed pretty happy. Safe for Johnny but who _would_ be happy with a tracking device in their stomach that had to come out the natural way? As crazy as New York (or the world) could get it was rather nice having some downtime with friends – no, the Avengers (and half of the Fantastic Four) were more like a dysfunctional family and it seemed that Peter unwittingly joined the ranks. He was like the baby brother everyone coddled, particularly Clint who jumped seats again offering the poor kid liquor.

"Natasha, are you enjoying yourself?" Thor asked with a plate in his hand, standing beside her.

"Yeah, I really am. Feasts are nice."

"Indeed. It is an enjoyable sight seeing everyone relaxing like this."

"Yea—"

"Tash come over here!" Clint yelled waving in her direction. Now he was at a table with Carol, Janet and Hank. He must have suffered from ADHD with all his damn table bouncing.

"It seems you are needed, I shall take my leave." Thor nodded at her before going to the table with Peter and Jen.

Shrugging, she walked over to the table where Clint was – who was now at the table with Peter, Jen and Thor. He really couldn't sit still, could he? Carol, too, since she moved and took a seat next to Natasha. "I don't think I can sit next to those two anymore." She said with a shudder. Everyone spared her a glance then looked at the table where Hank and Janet were feeding one another.

"Nat, you and I can definitely out gross them."

"Definitely." She replied with a nod and small smirk.

"Do it." Jen said beaming. "In fact, I think only Tony and James can out gross you guys if it comes down to it."

"We'll out gross them too dammit!" Clint got up then started stretching before taking a seat on Natasha's lap. "Tell me this isn't the most awful thing you've ever seen."

Jen shook her head. "Needs work. Though I gotta ask, why are you sitting on her lap? Shouldn't she be on yours?"

"Didn't you know? I'm the 'girl' in this relationship." He winced as Natasha poked him in the side.

"What's with the necklace?" Carol asked leaning closer. Natasha looked down – along with everyone else at the table – glancing at the bow and arrow pendant hanging from the necklace around her neck. "Is that a Hunger Games thing? The bow even has feathers. I haven't read any of the books..."

"I get it!" Jen said leaning back in her seat across from them nodding. "You got a piece of Hawkeye like he has a piece of you on that black widow keychain attached to his bow. You crazy kids are so damn adorable!"

Natasha looked up at Clint who was grinning. "I thought Tony threatened to paint your bow red and gold if you didn't put an Iron Man keychain on it?" Carol asked frowning.

"He did, so I got keychains of most of us on my quiver instead of on my bow. Sorry they didn't have any Captain or Ms. Marvel merch though." Carol folded her arms over her chest with a huff muttering under her breath. "And..." He held up his right wrist showing everyone the black widow bracelet. "I got a little something extra."

"That's adorable!" Carol said slapping him on the back. "I gotta put in some info on stuff for me but you have definitely out grossed Hank and Jan. By far."

"Nah. Those two are nauseatingly affectionate, with these two its kinda cute. Its the little things, ya know?" Jen nodded to herself. "Oh! Did you guys see the news? About the Spider fight thing? I wonder when its happening? I got a case in the morning and I'd hate to miss it."

"Its not a pay-per-view fight Jen, I'm sure its going to be private." Natasha said before allowing Clint to feed her.

"Dammit! Seriously?" She sighed putting her head down as everyone chuckled.

Peter was too caught up in eating and listening to the craziness of these people that he almost forgot about that spider fight! And he was supposed to be a participant! Spider-Woman didn't say anything about when it was going to happen but Peter knew he – _Spider-Man_ – had to make the first move. She called him out so all he had to do was show up and accept ...and defeat her but that was obvious. But for now he was going to enjoy hanging out at Stark Tower, after all it was the first time he got to hang out with the Avengers. Every time he saw one of them they were suited up dashing off to avert the nearest crisis. Naturally, he'd met a few of these people when they were off duty but he didn't know their names when they had their masks/suits on: like Carol. He knew she was an Avenger he just didn't know _what_ Avenger. He made a mental note to do some research on _Captain Marvel _but he probably wouldn't find much if she didn't even have any merchandise out. Hell the first time he accidentally saved someone Spider-Man merchandise hit shelves the next day! Granted, they were crappy merchandise but merchandise nonetheless.

He had to retract every somewhat bad thing he thought about these people. As a whole, the Avengers were pretty okay – one might even say they were down to Earth (pun most certainly not intended). But he still didn't see what was so great about a bunch of super-power-y people coming together. Well, there was that saying about strength in numbers. As long as they stood out of Spider-Man's way there wouldn't be any problems.

"This is crazy! You realize that, _don't_ you? You do, right? Why wouldn't you!"

Peter tugged his mask over his face. They'd left the tour over an hour ago after the huge feast that Peter was still full from. He had to go back to Stark/Avengers Tower tomorrow for work so he decided to put an end to this spider madness before it began. Translation: he was going to fight Spider-Woman _tonight_. "Relax Gwen, can't help that I'm a lady magnet."

"Lady magnet? Are you kidding? The last lady you attracted _tried to kill you _Peter!" Right, Peter almost forgot about that Black Cat incident; well the trying to kill him part anyway. Other than that, it was fond memories all around. Memories of her chasing him, throwing explosives his way, stealing jewels just to get his attention? Good times. But he traded blows with Black Cat a little over a week ago. Apparently, the only way he could get girls as if they were fighting him. What rotten luck. He and Gwen were always arguing but there wasn't anything going on between them other than the sisterly overprotective vibe she gave off. "You don't even know _where_ Spider-Woman wants to have your duel!"

"I'll just have to think like a spider Gwen. No biggie. Five years of experience."

"What if the Avengers come? What if they try and help or if they try to destroy you?"

"Cross that bridge when I get to it Stacy. For now I'm focusing on taking Spider-Woman down. Was that an innuendo? It sounded like an innuendo."

"You're babbling Parker." Gwen sighed shaking her head. "Got the comm link?"

"As always my fair maiden." She chuckled. He tapped his hear, "testing. Testing~"

"I hear you! Of course I am standing right next to you."

"Right. I think I got everything. Costume – which is probably the most important; web shooters." He shook his wrists, "uh... I think that's all I usually ever have. Oh! I almost forget." He put his hands on her shoulders. "I don't want any pictures tonight Gwen. This time I won't give JJ the satisfaction of seeing Spider-Man fight."

"What if I just take pictures for memory then? Would that be okay?" Peter shook his head, "damn. Really? Alright."

"As a safety precaution... I kinda don't want you near the fight either, wherever said fight might be happening. I don't know much about Spider-Woman or what she's capable of."

"I get it, I get it." She huffed. "Just don't die, alright?"

"I will try my hardest." He gave her a thumbs-up. She smiled nodding. "Later gator." They were standing on the roof so Peter pointed his hand toward a building then webs shot out of wrists and he was off. Gwen sighed then headed down the stairs. This was usually the time in which she'd follow Peter anyway – after all he didn't make her promise him to stay away. _Unfortunately_, even Peter didn't know where he was going. He was probably going to swing around the whole damn state looking for another red costumed individual. Which was a lot harder than it seemed – Daredevil had a red costume, Iron Man's armor was red, Deadpoolhad a red costume. The only difference with Spider-Woman was her black (brown? _Red?_) hair freely flowing. Of course Elektra and Scarlet Witch had her hair coming out of their red costumes but neither of them wore a mask; at least Gwen couldn't remember if they did or not, though she did remember that weird headpiece Scarlet Witch wore. But all the aforementioned individuals crossed paths with Spider-Man in the past (according to Peter – who experienced it first hand – and five years of news reports) and other than Deadpool none of them really wanted anything to do with him anymore.

Gwen exited the building walking down the street. This sucked. She never felt particularly _useful_ with any of Peter's other fights she witnessed but she never felt this useless either. She should have just latched onto him forcing him to take her along or she should have pulled a Sue Storm and put a tracking device on/in him.

"Ms. Stacy." Gwen stopped walking then looked up wide eyed at Natasha waving at her, sitting on a tree branch. It was a good thing Gwen was in front of her apartment building. She'd hate to think what happened if she was seen with Spider-Man pre-costume. Gwen gulped; and she just asked Peter what he would do if the Avengers caught on to what he was doing. Gwen slowly walked over to the tree as Natasha hopped down. "Twice in one day." Gwen smiled awkwardly nodding. This woman was intimidating and all she did was hop down from a damn tree branch! She didn't really talk to Natasha when she was in Avengers Tower but apparently that didn't matter right now. "I don't suppose you know where Spider-Man is, do you?" Gwen looked the redhead up and down, she was wearing a black cat suit and her wrists were kind of _glowing_. Yeah, no cause for alarm or anything!

Gwen shook her head. Fortunately it wasn't a lie but her nervousness was definitely going to give her away.

Natasha merely stared at her as if she was trying to discern whether she was being lied to or not. Then, the redhead's eyebrows furrowed slightly and she closed her eyes (though the rest of her face hadn't moved an inch). "Right." Gwen flinched as Natasha's eyes locked onto hers. "Thank you for your time Ms. Stacy." She nodded then turned around walking.

"Wait!" Natasha turned to her raising an eyebrow. Gwen's eyes glanced at her glowing wrists then back at the woman herself. "Do _you_ know where Spider-Man is?"

"..." Natasha turned around fully, "no. Not yet anyway." Gwen's eyebrows shot up. "Have a good night Ms. Stacy." Gwen watched the redhead run off. Great, now she was feeling worse than before!

"I may not have spider senses boss but I'm pretty sure I feel a storm brewing." Spider-Woman flopped back against the door sliding to the ground. She wasn't familiar with New York but atop a giant building seemed like as good a place as any to fight. Stark Tower was her original choice but her 'boss' figured that was a stupid move with all the security and whatnot but the Empire State Building? Why the hell not? She huffed looking up at the sky. "Boss?" She called into her headset looking down. "I don't wanna sound like I'm doubting you but what if he's a no show? I'm pretty sure he's got better things to do, _I _have better things to do. If he doesn't show am I supposed to stay here every night until he comes? Because I gotta say I am not keen on that plan."

_"Don't worry your pretty little head. He'll be here. Tonight. I guarantee it. Even if you didn't tell him _where_ to meet."_

Spider-Woman winced. "Right... forgot about that part." Rolling her eyes behind her mask she slumped further against the door. "You seem pretty sure but I got a question? What if the Avengers show up and open a can of whoop ass? This is their home turf after all. Plus, those west coast guys nearly killed me in case you forgot." She frowned hearing nothing on the other line. "Boss? Son of a—" She glanced up at the sky right as Spider-Man, in all his red and blue spandex-_y_ glory, landed right in front of her with his arms folded over his chest. "Hey!" She said with a wave beaming.

"Hey."

She stood extending her hand. "Spider-Woman; didn't really rip off your name or anything its just that I have spider powers and I'm a woman – you know how that is." Spider-Man glanced at her hand for a moment before shaking it. "Alright! So lets get down to this duel. Standard non death rules apply if that's okay with you?"

"Oh, I definitely agree. The more non death the better."

"I like you." She grinned. "I'm gonna try doubly hard not to kill you."

"I appreciate that."

_"Stick with the plan Jess."_

"Seriously?" Spider-Man looked at her. "Huh?" She waved her arms defensively in front of her. "No, I'm not talking to you... or myself. My boss is on this headset thing. See?" She moved some of her hair revealing a headset over her left ear. "You know damn well I never said I was going to kill him."

_"You know that I don't want you to kill him._" Spider-Woman scoffed, "_in fact you know damn well what I want you to do."_

"Aye-aye." She put her hair down shaking her head wildly. "Alright! Hope you're not afraid to hit a lady or get hit by one."

"Nope."

Spider-Woman grinned. "Great." She held out her hands mumbling then her head snapped up at Spider-Man who hadn't moved. "_Uh..._ boss?"

_"It isn't working?_"

"Noooope." She sighed, "new plan? Yeah. I think I'll go with a new plan." She folded her arms over her chest tapping her foot against the rooftop.

"Is there going to be any fighting involved?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. You see my first plan was to get you to do whatever the boss wanted with my pheromones _but_ they don't seem to work on you... _so_ onto plan B which is my kicking your ass then taking you back to the boss. Well, truthfully the ass kicking was plan A then the pheromones if I ended up on the losing end. I'm babbling aren't I?" She sighed. "Okay." She cracked her knuckles jumping up and down shaking herself.

"I don't suppose there's a slight off-chance of you telling me who you work for, is there?"

Spider-Woman frowned briefly, "I don't think so."

"Just asking." Spider-Man got into a defensive stance.

"The Empire State Building?" Natasha glanced up at the night sky. Spiders _did_ like high places and she knew better than to question whatever the hell Clint saw with his highly impressive farsightedness. Seriously, how could anyone see so well so damn far? Well he was 'Hawkeye' after all and there were some things better left unknown.

_"Yup. Don't know how much info I'll be able to get though. Also, it doesn't really look like they're doing anything. SW is pacing around talking in a headset while Spidey— nope nevermind he just webbed her hands together."_

Natasha looked up again, "and where are you exactly?"

_"The top of Stark Tower_."

"Right. I'm on my way."

_"Hey, can you bring some chips on the way up?"_

"This is so rude!" Spider-Woman said trying to move her hands.

"Sorry, you really didn't give me much of a choice." Spider-Man sighed. This was not what he was expecting. He was wondering if he should turn her into the cops but seeing as how she didn't do anything (other than waste his time) it wouldn't be worth the effort. "Listen, Red, maybe we can reschedule when you and your boss have a better plan?"

Spider-Man's eyes widened behind the mask as she broke through the webs. Sure, they weren't the hardest material to break through but still! His shock only increased as she spread her hands and web-like wings came out and she _flew at him_ tackling him to the ground. "_Sorry_." She said grinning over him in a mocking tone, "you didn't give me much of a choice."

"Yeah, I deserved that." He groaned.

"Yeah." Chuckling, Spider-Woman stood then held out her left hand. Due to the wondrous thing known as his spider sense Spider-Man managed to move his head enough to see whatever she just shot out of her hand put a hole in the roof of the Empire State Building.

"D-Did you just spit _acid_ out of your hand?!"

"Not acid." She chided, "electricity. Call 'em my venom blast, like it?" Her grin widened almost maniacally, "but you might be immune to that too. Guess there's only one way to find out."

She could fly and shoot _electricity_ out of her hands? Yeah, he might be at a disadvantage here. But seriously, what kind of spider _flies_? Shaking out of his stupor, Spider-Man jumped to his feet. "Hey, what happened to not killing me?"

"Don't misunderstand Spidey." Spider-Man's spider sense acted up again as Spider-Woman bent down picking up a sword unsheathing it painfully slow. "Killing you and _hurting you_ are two very different things." Spider-Man gulped. And she could use swords too? Yup, definitely at a disadvantage.

"Why not just keep with the hand-to-hand? Lessen the chances of, you know, accidental murder and whatnot." As Spider-Woman lifted her sword Spider-Man quickly brought his left hand forward shooting a web at the sword. They played tug of war for a bit before Spider-Man managed to pry the sword from her hands. "Gotta keep a better grip on these things, ya know?" He webbed the entire sword frowning under his mask.

Spider-Woman smirked. "Sassy aren't you?" Spider-Man shrugged. He couldn't very well throw a sword of all things off the Empire State Building and expect it not to hurt or even kill someone despite the fact that it was encased in webs; naturally, he did the only logical thing he could think of in the next five seconds before Spider-Woman attacked. He lifted the sword in the air then slammed it on the roof satisfied when he heard it shatter. "Ah, _what_?! Do you have any idea how much I paid for that?!" She hissed holding out her arms shooting another venom blast he narrowly dodged. She kept shooting with Spider-Man dodging. Either her reflexes were getting better or his were getting worse because with every shot she fired they seemed to get closer and closer to hitting him.

_"Stop!" _Suddenly, as quickly as she started she stopped putting her hands to her sides like some kind of robot. _"We're going with plan 452."_

"Since when did we give the plans numbers?" She swerved as something flew passed her masked face. "Dude, did you throw a _brick_ at me?!"

_"Now would be a good time to do that thing I said earlier."_

"That is not a good idea." She mumbled.

_"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I'm not on the losing end of this battle. Get the job done or I will."_

"I..." She sighed heavily, "_okay!_" She back-flipped against the door she kicked open then grabbed a sword against the wall and unsheathed it; then she gripped the sword's hilt with both hands and Spider-Man saw electricity spark from her hands and onto the blade. "Just remember Spidey, I'm not attacking with lethal force."

Spider-Man gulped. "Good to know."

She charged at him with the sword in hand. She swung high and he ducked then she cartwheeled over him and swung the sword down nearly hitting his shoulder. Spider-Man didn't think he'd ever been as happy to have spidey sense as he was now; not only was he (barely) dodging the sword but the electricity too. Things would get pretty bad if he was slashed up or charred, or a combination of the two. Sure, he had a healing factor but he was no Wolverine for crying out loud! If he lost a limb it wasn't coming back. Wait, _could_ Wolverine reattach body parts? He knew Deadpool could but he wasn't sure about Wolverine.

Spider-Woman threw the sword at him. He dodged but looked back seeing that it got stuck in the roof; like embedded onto the roof (i.e. his floor). He sighed in relief then his spider sense reacted about half a second too late but he braced for the kick to the stomach Spider-Woman sent his way causing him to slide back near the edge of the roof. "Oh boss, I don't know how I ever doubted you!" She straightened herself out. "You alright? It wouldn't be fun to end it so quick. Boss was confident your goody two shoes reputation was up to snuff; said if I threw the sword you'd look in case it hit a civilian or something." She cracked her knuckles. "Didn't think it would work but whatever. He knows you a lot better than I do."

Damn she was strong. His stomach was aching and that wasn't good especially since he was so well fed. He looked over his shoulder looking down before taking a step so he was no longer almost hanging off the Empire State Building. "You plan on beating me by talking me to a state of submission?"

"Maybe next time if you're lucky." Spider-Woman paused then broke out in a grin. "You wanted hand-to-hand combat, didn't you? Then lets go."

They charged at one another and Spider-Woman caught one of Spider-Man's fists. "Didn't think that through..." He said trying to pull his hand back. He reflexively jumped as she tried to kick him. With his free hand he shot a web in her face. She loosened her grip enough so that he was able to break free. He couldn't just charge again since she had that whole electricity thing going on but playing defense wasn't good either.

She ripped the webs off her face pursing her lips. "You're forcing my hand Webs." Her head tilted slightly toward the headset.

_"Jess stop stalling, if you keep fighting like this you'll burn out."_

"Don't know if you realized this boss but spiders have the tendency to play with their prey."

_"You won't be playing when he hauls your ass in the nearest prison cell! He's stronger and has more stamina than you do. Which is why I told you to stick to the damn plan. I though my prized pupil would to a better job than this." _Spider-Woman grit her teeth. _"But you were never good at following directions Jessica."_

"You know..." Spider-Man shot a web forward at her left hand which was holding onto her headset. "Its kinda rude to keep talking to someone else in the middle of a duel." He tsked, "I'm disappointed Spider-Woman, you don't hear me talking into my headset." She tried to free her hand from her head but some of her hair was attached to the webbing.

"Damn you fight dirty."

"So we're not counting shooting electricity or throwing swords as fighting dirty?" Spider-Man shrugged shaking his head. "Oh well." He folded his arms over his chest. "I guess I need to think about what to do with you? Prison seems a bit harsh right?" Before she could open her mouth he shot a web over it. "Oops. Guess I'm still fighting dirty." The eye parts of Spider-Woman's mask got a little smaller which meant she was probably glaring. That happened a lot with masks – Spider-Man spoke from personal experience with that one.

Frowning, Spider-Man started pacing while keeping an eye on Spider-Woman who kept trying to break free from her webbing. He sighed then wrapped up her whole body like a cocoon then went back to pacing. This was an unusual situation to be in. Usually when someone called him out for a fight they didn't publicly announce it beforehand. They usually stole or injured someone Spider-Man came by then beat the snot out of them. Simple. Easy. The way things normally were. But here comes the Spider-Woman challenging him on live television then getting distracted by her mystery boss talking into a headset throwing sharp objects and nearly electrocuting him! She didn't do anything per se and wasn't trying to kill him so throwing her in prison seemed ..._wrong_. Plus, in some weird way he kind of liked her company. How many other human sized spiders did he get to spar with?

"Tell ya what Spidey." She looked up at him, which was about the only thing she could do since her head (most of it anyway) wasn't webbed. "I'm gonna let you go. We'll get a rematch that doesn't have your boss distracting you, sound good?" She started with some muffled yelling then began thrashing around and the damn spider sense made him turn around spotting Taskmaster of all people shaking his head as he leaned against the opened door.

"I'm afraid that doesn't really sound like a good idea Spider-Man, at least not to me." He slowly walked over to Spider-Woman hauling her over his shoulder ripping the webs off her mouth.

"_Fuck_!" She screamed, "why'd you do that?"

"Best way to rip off a bandage is to do it quickly."

"Way to go all philosophical boss." She pouted blowing some of her hair out of her face.

Spider-Man tilted his head in blatant confusion, "I'm sorry... did you just—wait a minute! _You work for Taskmaster_? _He_ is the boss you kept talking to!?"

"Yup." She grinned.

"Forgive her, would you? She's a bit of a rookie." Spider-Woman scowled. "So I can't necessarily agree with you two having a rematch without my guidance." He cocked his masked head to the left staring at Spider-Woman who put her head down with a groan. "Now... seeing as how we haven't done anything I assume you'll let us go without any fuss?"

Sure, Taskmaster didn't do anything _today_ – at least he didn't hear of anything. Not that Taskmaster did anything that didn't require payment usually in the form of cash but he took rare moves as payment sometimes. Come to think of it, since the last time he got the crap beat out of him by Taskmaster several weeks ago he hadn't heard of him doing anything. But why he had Spider-Woman call him 'boss' and pick her up like a log was anyone's guess. Taskmaster did have a lot of students though Spider-Woman didn't seem like the usual Taskmaster drone; she was too free-spirited, too mouthy, too not evil to be someone who worked for Taskmaster. And he normally wouldn't come to a drone's aid either. There had to be some kind of deeper connection. Like a possible daughter? She seemed too young to be a wife/ex-wife – though that did not make it an outright non possibility. But she could be his little sister or cousin or some other family member. Regardless of _that_, Spider-Man couldn't possibly take them both on right now; he could barely handle Taskmaster alone. So with a sigh he nodded. Hopefully he wouldn't regret this decision. "Until next time Webs."

"Bye!" Spider-Woman said with a grin. "And I'll totally give you a Taskmaster-less rematch." She winced as he turned to glare at her before they walked down the stairs. "W-What?"

Well, that was a complete waste of the night.


	2. Asgardian burritos and the big game Pool

A/N: according to Google: Une langue à un moment, Je ne pense pas qu'ils puissent suivre translates from French to English as: One language at a time, I don't think they can keep up.  
Mais j'ai eu tellement de plaisir... also translated from French to English is: But I was having so much fun.  
Szivi, from Hungarian to English, means baby  
tényleg translated from Russian means really.

* * *

"Whoa." Carol side-stepped as Peter practically flew out of the elevator. "Someone's in a hurry."

"Sorry." He grinned sheepishly adjusting the stack of papers in his hands as he jogged in place.

The blonde studied him for a moment before patting him on the back. "At ease soldier, Stark's out." Peter sighed in relief but continued to jog though he went a slower pace. "Before I forget to ask, did you enjoy yourself yesterday? The feast thing was nice but really short notice."

"I enjoyed myself to the fullest Ms. Danvers."

Carol smiled. "Great. Thor will be happy to hear that. He's preparing another one today, says he's grown fond of the beloved assistant of our dear friend Tony in such a short time. He even stayed in Midgard—" She frowned, "—Earth an extra day in hopes of seeing you again." Carol grinned elbowing him, "bet you're just breaking all the hearts aren't you?" Peter blushed slightly. "Oh! Jen's still here too, well she left to do something but came back. In fact, basically everyone wants to see more of you. I don't really know if that's a good thing or not. Haven't really been with the team all that long myself but..." She shrugged, "that's what you get for hanging out with the Avengers kid. Its not gonna be an easy road for you and I will totally understand your desire to quit/flee."

"Are you kidding? This job is perfect! Hanging with superheroes and playing with Tony Stark's tech? What more can I ask for?"

She laughed. "Well when you put it that way I guess not much." Peter beamed. "I'll see you around. I'm actually still full from yesterday's meal but I'd be a fool to say no to free food." Peter nodded waving to the blonde as the elevator closed behind her.

He sighed shuffling along to the lab Tony frequented the most. As if last night couldn't possibly get any worse (or tiresome... whichever) Natasha – no wait Black Widow – found him and started saying a bunch of things that made no sense to him but the one thing he did manage to understand was that she called him a threat. And not in the J. Jonah condescending way either. There was a bit of amusement in her voice even though her expression told no telltale signs of it. She held a blank file in her hands; two actually – one file was for Spider-Woman. The only things on the files were their names and pictures and height. Apparently, she had been spying on the fight. Where? Peter had no idea nor had he any idea of how they knew his height just from a glance. But he got the why part. They needed info but came up a little short. Good for him but bad for them. If he did give Spider-Woman a rematch Black Widow would probably watch that match too. He was actually dreading seeing her here. Not that she'd automatically know he was Spider-Man or anything. Plus she spoke to Gwen last night which did little to ease his nerves. But the thing that really made his nerves as uneasy as possible was that there was nothing said about Taskmaster so either Black Widow and her all seeing eyes didn't notice him or chose not to comment for whatever reason.

He entered the lab and as expected, Doctor B was behind some screen calculating. "Hey Doc." Peter greeted freeing his arms as he put the stack of papers on the formerly empty desk.

"Oh! Hi. Luke was sure you got scared off yesterday with all the glad tidings but I hoped he was wrong."

"It'll take more than an impromptu feast to get rid of me, in fact I'd say that's more of an invitation to stay." Bruce chuckled cleaning his glasses. "Carol actually told me there's another one today?"

"That's what I heard. Or saw. The kitchen is a war zone at the moment so you should probably steer clear of there." Peter whistled. "Feasts are just our way of enjoying some downtime before the next big monster fight or alien invasion or what have you. They're never premeditated though since villainy doesn't have a set schedule. I have to say though, its been a while since someone new created so much buzz around the tower so I guess another feast was to be expected. I think the last time everyone got so crazy was when Carol officially moved in."

Right. Carol did just say she was new to the team or something. Peter could actually imagine the Avengers crowding around Carol throwing a feast for her. "So you and Tony bring the science to the fights, huh doc?" Peter rose both eyebrows as Bruce flinched slightly before nodding. That was ...odd. Just like yesterday when he asked if the doctor was getting into his suit. Then again, Doctor B was awfully jittery. How did he manage to be around so many short attention span having, feast throwing, nowhere near as jumpy superheroes on a daily basis? Didn't they make his nervousness worse? Perhaps they made it better? Peter didn't know. But Doctor Bruce Banner was one of the smartest people Peter ever met and if he used his knowledge and general nervousness to help battle supervillains then so be it. Peter had to outsmart a lot of people as Spider-Man; he also had to out-dumb a few too.

Shrugging off that thought, Peter dove head first into his work. Tuesdays were the absolute best! Peter didn't have any classes so he was free to embrace the science of Stark Towers for pretty much the entire day. It helped that Mondays were payday too. So on the rare chance that he didn't get to work on Tuesday he had money. And with the promise of more free mouthgasmic inducing food this Tuesday was sure to be great.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen the vent cover on the wall in the kitchen came flying off. "Good to see you managed well Bucky." A brunet crawled out of the vent. Natasha put a mug on the counter staring at the brunet who started stretching.

"This is usually Barton's duty, right?"

"Crawling through vents? No, its not really much of a duty as it is a privilege for him."

"How does he manage fitting through those things anyway? He's taller than me."

Natasha shrugged. "Clint has... years of body twisting experience."

"Sounds like you speak from personal experience Natasha." Bucky rose an eyebrow at the cup pointing at it with his metal arm, "what's that?"

"Asgardian tea. You will not be disappointed." Shrugging, he walked over to the counter drinking from the mug.

"Not really much of a tea drinker but its good. Anyway, where's Barton?"

"With Thor. They went shopping for ingredients to make some kind of Asgardian feast tonight." Natasha gestured around her to the state of disarray the kitchen was in. Out of all the rooms in the tower, despite being the most used (next to any of Tony's labs), the kitchen was usually the cleanest.

"Is he making more burritos?"

"After Doctor Banner nearly hulked out when you guys ate his vegetarian ones? Yeah, I don't think so."

"If Thor—or Odin or whoever—didn't make them so damn good we wouldn't have fought over them. And in what world does veggie shit taste better than meat?"

"In Asgard."

"Well, if he's making shit from Asgard and there are no burritos I'm sure doc will hulk out regardless."

Natasha sighed, "possibly. Of course only Thor knows what he's making." Natasha propped her elbow against the table pressing her face against her palm. It was two months ago – right around the time the Avengers got together to raid Tony Stark's home/tower claiming it as theirs, after a particularly grueling battle Thor (who had not participated in said battle) flew down from Asgard with food as an apology for not being of assistance in the previous battle. He heard or saw something from some TV show about how food brings people together so he (or Odin or whoever) made burritos. Now this conversation was brought on a few days earlier when the newest Avenger, Sam, was eating a burrito. He spoke to Thor and he tried some saying it was good but not quite like the stuff he had on Asgard so he must have told her he'd bring some then a few days later he delivered.

It was also the first night they began these impromptu feasts as it were – only that night wasn't so much of a feast as it was a movie night.

Asgardian burritos were about four times the size of Midgardian burritos so everyone took a piece; in order to be fair to the group's only known vegetarian, Bruce, they split a vegetarian burrito. Then all hell broke loose. It wasn't the sort of hell that required hospitalization – although there were a few close calls. Either the food had the tendency to bring out the absolute worst in people or it was so damn good you couldn't possibly fathom sharing. Either way, everyone managed to get their fill of fighting and eating that had most of the Avengers ending up bloodied in food comas. It was a miracle they were able to respond to any emergency the next day.

The oddest part was that Thor mentioned to them that it was just like being on Asgard. The fighting and eating were 'all in good fun' according to him especially since no one was truly mad enough to break out super powers or weapons though Tony did shoot a repulsor blast at a wall with one of his gloves when Sam took a bite out of his burrito. No one knew why he was wearing the gloves and not the rest of the armor though.

Truthfully, Natasha wouldn't mind another Asgardian feast 'all in good fun' but – according to Carol – Peter was with Bruce in the lab and while the Avengers family was normally civil all thoughts and forms of civility disappeared without a trace when it came to good food; or more accurately good Asgardian food. If they were already treating the kid like family they were more likely to go all out against him; lack of super powers be damned. Natasha didn't want to play babysitter when she wanted to eat just as badly as the others. Maybe she'd put Clint up to the task. He was already the most protective of Peter beside Tony and Bruce but putting Bruce on babysitting duty wasn't the best plan if the food was to remain in tact.

Bucky put his mug down with a satisfied sigh. "When did they leave?"

"Don't know. It must have been a little while ago. Where's Cap?"

"At S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, probably debriefing or something. I got the hell out of there once we were done. Hill likes hearing herself talk."

"Are you still underground?" The brunet shook his head with a frown, "why don't you just move into the tower then? You can keep your identity a secret from the public. And I'm sure Cap would appreciate it." At Bucky's raised eyebrow Natasha sighed. "No not only Cap, the rest of us will welcome you with open arms. Plus, the food here is much better."

Bucky tapped his chin with his right hand. "I'll think about it."

"Good, because Tony already made you a room." Bucky sighed chuckling.

Hearing a knock at his door, Deadpool lowered the volume on the television picking up the gun he had beside the remote. {Is that the pizza we ordered?} Deadpool glanced at the half empty, opened pizza box on the floor. He might have ordered another box... but he didn't remember.

[Maybe its a girl scout? Man I love those cookies! Lets get a box or three!] If it was some bad guy he'd just blow a hole through the door or open the door then shoot. Either way sounded good. He tip-toed over to the door with the gun in hand glancing through the peephole. [Yay! Spidey's home! Open up! Open up! And ask her about the mission!] On the other side of Deadpool's apartment door stood a tired, grimy Spider-Woman who looked a few seconds away from collapsing.

It took about ten seconds to unlatch all the locks on his apartment. {One can never be too careful.} Then he opened the door with his arms wide. "Need a hug?" Sighing, she nodded walking into his embrace. [Score! More hot girls should fall into our arms!] After a few seconds she pulled back frowning. "Hey, didn't I give you a key? I did, right?" {I remember putting a key into her hands then getting electrocuted.} [Yeah, that.]

"And your buddy took it." Deadpool moved aside allowing her to walk in the apartment closing the door behind her. It wouldn't be the first time some masked individual came in or out of this apartment but it was a pain to keep explaining these sort of things to neighbors.

"So what did you do wrong?"

"What makes you think I did anything wrong?"

"Because I doubt Tasky is sadistic enough to take it if you did something right." Spider-Woman groaned. {I don't know he is pretty sadistic...} "I take it your solo mission went unsuccessful?"

"Unsuccessful?" She barked out a laugh pulling her mask over her face groaning. "I got a three hour lecture on how stupid it is to take on people so far out of your league unprepared and without proper guidance." She sighed, "then... he put me through basic grunt training Wade. Grunt training!" She put her head back against the couch. "What's with his freaking obsession with Spider-Man anyway?"

"Hold on Jess..." [Her mask-less name is Jessica.] {You mean secret identity.} [Whichever.] "Spider-Man? You took on Spider-Man alone? No wonder Tasky's riding your ass." {Eww. Not a pretty picture.} [Are you kidding? Jess is hot!] Deadpool had to nod in agreement there. If he weren't already spoken for of course. But there was no harm in looking. [Yeah, and she's hot and wearing a skin tight suit! And laying on our couch!]

Jessica looked up frowning. "You're doing that thing again, aren't you? That thing you said I wouldn't understand?"

"Sure, lets go with that."

Sighing, she put her head back against the couch. "I only lost because boss kept distracting me telling everything I did was wrong. In the end Spider-Man webbed me to my headset then my whole body."

[{Wait a sec, are we going to ignore that visual!?}]

"I promised Spidey a rematch without Taskmaster watching me like a hawk."

"You're Tasky's top student, I doubt he'd let you go off alone." Jessica grinned snapping her head up. "I do not like that face..." [I do! I like it a lot!]

"Wade, you're getting paid to 'babysit' me."

"And Tasky's paid to 'babysit' me, your point?" {Some babysitter, he's barely around and we nearly burned the apartment down twice. He should get fired.}

"I won't be going off alone if you're with me."

[And there goes that sexy evil grin again!] "Jess... I— oh what the hell! I owe Webs a rematch too. Wait, do I?" {He did get away during your monologue.}

Jessica waved him off, "doesn't matter. You and boss are friends – or something – so it'll soften the blow to some degree." She grinned getting up stretching. "But... I don't want to do it today and I obviously won't do another broadcast."

"You broadcast your fight?" [And people say we're crazy?!] Jessica shrugged in a half-assed definitely a student of Taskmaster type of way. "Before or after?" {Why not during?}

"Before. I sort of called him out at a news station. The fight itself wasn't on TV or anything."

{Forget Taskmaster's student she should be trained under the house of Deadpool. I bet there weren't any explosions or anything.} Deadpool nodded putting a finger to his masked chin. "I have a better idea to call out Spidey 2.0 without causing too much attention to yourself. I know, I know I'm all about too much attention but I do stealth like no one's business." [And pull off red way better than Spider-Man.] {But not as good as Spider-Woman.} [Well almost as good.]

"I didn't get to any stealth lessons yet." Jessica frowned then looked up. "What do I need to do?"

When Tony returned to the tower he wasn't alone. Peter saw him, Thor, Clint, Carol and some other person he did not recognize carrying an array of paper bags – Clint had the most bags and was doing an impressive job of balancing some on his shoulders and the bag on his head was a nice touch. Having been bored from not having to deal with his boss' sass or usual assortment of random questions and with Doctor B slipping in and out every few minutes, Peter decided to walk around. Sure he couldn't just waltz his way around Avengers Tower and expect some sort of security program to electrocute him so he just stuck to the main halls and ended up walking beside the huge ass room with an equally huge television. He might be able to disarm any defense mechanisms or web them into a state of malfunction but he liked his job too much to get fired over something like that.

The elevator pinged open again and another guy came out of it... floating. Peter's interest was officially piqued. The floating guy had a cape and next to him (or floating beside him) were a couple of floating grocery bags following his every move.

Curiosity still piqued, Peter (tempted to just climb the walls or jump) took the elevator one floor down to the kitchen level then peered inside. "I'm telling you, intergalactic grocery stores need to be on every block." Tony nodded to himself. "Its a fact."

"I agree. The stuff they sold there was amazing." The unfamiliar lady said beaming. "And its not even just food." She added.

"Sounds like you guys had a good time." Peter did a double take at the guy sitting on the counter with a freaking metal arm holding a damn coffee mug like it was nothing. That guy was definitely one Avenger Peter did not recognize. After all, the metal arm would be a dead giveaway. Unless he concealed it...

"Where was this 'intergalactic grocery store?'" Natasha asked raising an eyebrow.

"Down the street from the X-Men school. Logan told us about it." The unfamiliar girl said.

"Almost wish I tagged along. But Mars has pretty good intergalactic stores too." Everyone in the room glanced at Carol who shrugged.

"We all can't breathe in space Captain." The blonde rolled her eyes. "Now, I can't cook so I'm going to get the hell out of here before this kitchen sets on fire."

"Second that notion." Clint added, "and ditto for me."

"Not so fast Barton." Carol grabbed him by the wrist. "Don't give us shit about you not being able to cook. You either Stark." She grabbed Tony by the collar.

"I'm sorry, did you just trade personalities with Romanoff?" Tony looked at Natasha who shrugged but did little to hide the amusement on her face. "I have never cooked a day in my life!"

Carol rose an eyebrow. "Two days ago? Before Cap and Bucky left? That huge breakfast you two made?"

"Experiment." They both blurted out.

"Well it was a damn good one." Natasha replied, "so you two are going to assist Thor today."

"Make 'em wear aprons too."

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you Ava."

"Then its a good thing you're not me Tony."

"Ava, you're helping too."

"Dammit!" She huffed. "Why? I don't even attempt to cook in the kitchen!"

"All the more reason to learn." Carol said with a wink. "James, you can help too." The brunet replied with a shrug. "You too doc." The floating guy nodded wordlessly. "If we're going to eat, we're going to help." Everyone – excluding the floating guy – groaned, even Natasha who would probably deny it if asked later.

"Tell her Thor, it would be too much trouble to have so many people not knowing what they're doing in the kitchen." Tony said as calmly as he could though he was flailing in the air; sure, Carol was shorter than him but she was stronger and she had him a good five feet in the air since she was hovering with him in one hand and Clint in the other.

"Well..." Thor paused as all eyes landed on him, "I believe the meal would taste better if we all partake in the preparations." Clint and Tony swore under their breath then Carol dropped them with a satisfied smirk.

"Thanks Thor. And Ava, since you suggested..." The black-haired girl blanched, "lets get aprons!"

"The frillier, the better." Natasha said smirking. Huffing, Ava complied with a curt nod bending under the counter getting a stack of folded aprons. Natasha managed to successfully double-knot everyone's aprons, including her own – and Peter didn't know how she managed to do that without looking, while giving everyone minus Carol directions. Then she turned to the blonde and whispered something that had her laughing.

Clint elbowed Tony, "translate."

"Yeah, I'm not really as multilingual as those two." Clint rolled his eyes, "don't give me that but you're Tony Stark look. I can probably make a translator though."

"You know... this isn't fair." Ava said scowling as she peeled potatoes. "I wasn't even here yesterday. You guys had a feast and no one even thought to tell me! Then next day you have me doing manual labor? I may not live in the tower but I so don't deserve this!"

"Finished whining?" Carol asked tilting her head.

"Yes Ms. Danvers."

"And what exactly are you two doing?" As the 'sciency' one – as they so often eloquently put it – Natasha assigned Tony the task of measuring all the ingredients. It sounded simple but nothing was in basic English or even British measurements. Tony not only had to figure out what the hell any of this shit meant but put it together too. Clint, beside him, used his aiming skills to perfectly dice and chop random things after Tony measured them out. But, unlike Tony, Clint seemed to enjoy his task. Ava was on the other side of the counter peeling while grumbling to herself.

"If you were doing your job Stark, you wouldn't be paying attention to us." He glared at Natasha who shrugged.

Carol and Natasha were with Thor and the floating guy but Peter couldn't see what they were doing since their backs were turned to the door. The long haired brunet was on Tony's other side but Peter couldn't see what he was doing either.

With a smile, Peter slowly stepped away from the doorway. He didn't want to interrupt them and it warmed his heart a little knowing they were doing this for him. He barely knew any of these people yet they just allowed him into their home and even threw a feast for him simply because he helped one of their own.

These people were more like a family than a band of superheroes.

Peter started walking when the elevator pinged open revealing Susan Storm – well parts of her. She must have not realized she was invisible because Peter only saw her clothes come out of the elevator. "Hi Peter." She said turning tangible. She frowned, "was I invisible just now?" The brunet nodded dumbly. "Damn..." She tapped her chin with her hand that turned invisible again, "its the craziest thing but the Avengers actually sent me a text to help them cook."

"Sue!" Carol greeted sticking her head out of the kitchen, "we have frilly aprons and your left arm is invisible." Sue looked down expressionless. "Is your brother here?"

"Nope. Trying to, um, let the tracking device pass." She grimaced. "So I'm here alone. Actually, I brought Ben..." Sue turned around turning invisible for a second before regaining her tangibility. "Who must have disappearing powers too."

The elevator pinged once more and a huge rock like guy came out. "Sue, you musta turned invisible because I didn't notice you went in the elevator until I heard it reach this floor!"

"Right, my powers have been fluctuating all day..." Sue sighed. "Maybe I should see Doctor Banner."

"He ain't that type of doc Sue."

Sue frowned, "maybe Doctor Strange then?"

"He is in the kitchen but I don't know how much help he'd be." Sue sighed again then nodded as she shuffled into the kitchen.

Carol watched her walk in before turning to Ben. Peter glanced as she mouthed the word – or rather name – Reed then the big guy shook his head. "Who's the kid?" He asked jerking his thumb at Peter.

"Oh! Didn't realize you were there Pete. This is Peter Parker, Tony's assistant."

"Yeah, R—" He glanced in the kitchen, "I heard about ya. Ben Grimm. I'd shake your hand but you're kinda scrawny." Peter sighed. Ben had no problem patting Spider-Man on the back or shaking his hand but he didn't seem as scrawny as Peter apparently. Actually, that wasn't true, Ben did voice his concern for injuring Spider-Man after their introduction and several times after that. Hopefully, he wouldn't be able to put the two together. He ruffled Peter's hair surprisingly a lot softer than Peter would have expected. "Also, Johnny doesn't shut up about him. Sue told me you got the tracking device out?"

"From what I heard... not officially." Carol took one more glance into the kitchen. Sue took her seat next to Natasha and started working. The blonde walked over to Ben putting an arm around him. "Susan's powers... do they go through her emotions?"

"Not always. When she first got 'em sure, they were crazy. The slightest thing that set her off had her building up force fields and everything. She's pretty much got her control down though. And it can't be because of... you know because me and Johnny have been doing our best keeping them apart outside of missions. I don't remember this ever happening before. She keeps going in and out; invisible then visible again." Ben rubbed his head, "don't know what the problem could be."

"Well we have several unofficial doctors around that can take a look." Carol turned to Peter grinning, "wanna help us in the kitchen?"

"Me? No, I'm terrible at cooking." He gasped as Carol gripped his hand. He made a mental note to remember Carol Danvers had super strength because she gripped the unholy hell out of his hands but didn't apply enough pressure to actually break anything and that was something he was entirely grateful for.

"All the more reason to learn. Come on Ben."

"Yeah... unlike the string bean I actually have cooking prowess but your kitchen ain't big enough for me."

"Are you kidding? A-Bomb was over here the other day and he managed just fine." With a sigh, Ben nodded entering the kitchen behind them. Peter made another mental note to remember Carol Danvers was also incredibly persuasive. Was that her superpower?

It took hours, hours to get everything situated then about close to an hour to clean everything up. Peter got so into it he didn't realize what he was doing until after everything was finished. They put him with Ava where he'd do the least amount of damage after discovering that he absolutely was terrible at cooking. So he and Ava (who he became friends with rather quickly) were cracking jokes while peeling potatoes and any other food that needed peeling.

Carol put Ben with Thor and the floating guy who he was introduced to as Doctor Stephen Strange. His name really was Doctor Strange. Peter thought it was like a nickname or something but he was assured as strange as the good doctor was it was his family name and in no way was associated with his unusual demeanor which couldn't be classified as anything but strange. The metal armed guy was named Bucky – that was a nickname because he heard Carol call him James a few times but everyone else seemed to call him Bucky. To clarify he asked Clint who confirmed. He asked Ava first, since she was right next to him, but she really didn't know so he went to Clint. So these people were around two people named James yet neither of them were called by their given name.

"How domestic!" Jen squealed walking into the kitchen clasping her hands together, her long green hair was tied into a bun and she was wearing a gray dress suit. "Cooking with frilly aprons?" Peter looked down grimacing; he actually forgot about that but before he could take it off he saw a flash then looked up at Jen grinning holding her phone. "Definitely a keeper."

"You'd better not post those photos on the Internet Walters."

Jen snorted, "threaten all you want Stark. These babies are for my personal pleasure." She kissed her phone screen, "that may or may not be used as blackmail material in a later date. I mean Tony Stark in a pink frilly apron? Can you picture that on a magazine cover? By the way Barton, never noticed before but you have a nice ass." Clint, who was bent down picking something up, rose up a bit too quickly and banged his head against the table. "Sorry..."

"Don't joke around with Romanoff's property Jen." Bucky said off-handedly.

"His ass his her property?"

Tony folded his arms over his chest shaking his head. "The whole body actually but I'm pretty sure property of Natasha Romanoff is tattooed on his ass."

"So Clint has been branded, like cattle?" Thor asked tilting his head to the left. "Interesting..."

"No, it is not interesting. And I haven't been branded! Are you guys really talking about my ass with me standing right here?"

Tony put an arm around his shoulder. "Don't get so bent out of shape Barton. Your ass is one of your more redeeming qualities, the main thing one can claim ownership of."

"Seriously dude, you can bounce quarters off that thing."

Jen gasped, "are his suits not tight enough for me to notice? Damn you guys are lucky. I should have taken another picture..."

"Wait, you can bounce quarters off an ass? Remarkable!" Everyone paused turning to Thor before glancing at Tony.

"What? Ava's the one that said it." He sighed resigning himself to once again be the Midgardian to Asgardian translator. One of these days he was going to con someone else into doing it, "bouncing quarters off someone's ass is merely an expression. I do not know if there is any truth to the statement. We can ask Natasha to test said statement if you'd like."

"Wait, with my ass?" Natasha looked over her shoulder at her own ass. "Its not as great as Clint's though."

"No, well... I meant with Barton but if you want to test it on yourself by all means no one is stopping you." Tony shrugged. "I certainly won't try and stop you." He glanced at Bucky who shrugged.

Ava rose an eyebrow at Tony before turning to Natasha. "Yeah, you can do it here."

"No she can't!" Carol yelled causing everyone to groan then stiffen. "What is wrong with you people? We prepare food here! Talk of asses and undressing is not proper kitchen decorum." She sighed, "for goodness sake go to the living room to see if its true!"

Needing no further instruction the gang shuffled into the kitchen carrying a confused Peter with them. "Uh, what just happened?"

"I'm gonna let you in on a little secret kid." Ava said holding his left arm while Jen held his right, "rules number one and two in Avengers Tower: never piss off Carol and do not defile the kitchen. Of course rule two will create rule one so they go hand in hand." Peter made a mental note of that. Carol had super strength, was incredibly persuasive and was particular about keeping the kitchen as non defiled as possible. As they were in the living room all eyes were on Clint.

"I am seriously not taking my pants off in front of you savages."

"Go on ytёhoк."

"Fuck, I hate when you call me that Nat." Carol chuckled then cleared her throat when Clint glared at her.

"Y-Yte... what did she say to him?"

"She called him duckling Ava, in Russian."

"Ah! Because he's already a bird?"

"Not necessarily."

"He doesn't have to—"

"Don't try that reverse psychology bullshit on me Barnes."

"Clint, listen to me. Tony – the voice of reason." Clint rolled his eyes, "we're going to harass you until the end of time. And look at Thor, how could you deny him the opportunity to see if you really can bounce quarters off your ass?"

"I'm not a sheet Stark, find another ass to test your theory on."

"You bounce quarters off sheets too?"

"Yeah..." Tony patted Thor on the chest, "we'll get to that later. Its not nearly as interesting. We'd find someone else—"

"Was that a pause for dramatic effect?" Bucky's eyes widened as Tony turned to him. "No! Not me?!"

"We need to find a suitable replacement Mr. Barnes. In fact, its time for an all out inspection. I need my assistants..." He clapped his hands. "Ms. Danvers, Ms. Walters." The two women walked over to Tony linking elbows with him smiling. "Lets get this started."

"Uh... does that include me too?"

"Naturally."

"Peter has a cute butt." Jen giggled. Peter blushed as Carol merely nodded wordlessly. There was something about the look in the blonde's eyes that unnerved Peter a bit.

"We don't need cute, Ms. Walters, we need Barton quality."

"I'm pretty sure its sexual harassment if you start slapping asses Stark." Tony glanced at Natasha who rolled her eyes. "We can't have the paddle incident all over again."

"Did you become a mind reader in the last five seconds?" Natasha shrugged. Though Peter became curious about the 'paddle incident' she said paddle, right?

"Why not just test the quarter bouncing theory since we are all here?"

"Great idea Thor! I'll need everyone's consent so I don't end up with a lawsuit; granted most of you live here and probably cannot sue since I know what you own and it isn't much for a counter sue." Everyone grimaced. "Now who doesn't live here. Ava despite all possible protests—" She sneered at him and got a kiss blown in her direction for her effort, "Peter, Jen – a fraction of the time, Sue, Doc and Mr. Grimm. Blah, blah, blah, do you – are you okay with Carol or Jen or possibly both bouncing quarters off your asses."

"Can we stay fully clothed?"

"It defeats the purpose but yes, Susan, you may stay fully clothed if you desire."

"Sure." Sue shrugged; Doctor Strange nodded surprisingly, Ava grunted noncommittally and Peter – blushing slightly – nodded timidly.

"I don't gotta do it right? I can tell you off the bat—"

"You are exempt." Ben sighed in much needed relief, "you can restrain Barton though."

"Can do." Clint yelped as Ben grabbed him hoisting him over his shoulder.

"I swear I get no respect in this damn tower!"

Tony waved him off. "You'll be alright."

"Okay..." Everyone turned to Bruce pinching the bridge of his nose as he leaned against the wall. "Is this another one of those paddling things—" Everyone but Jen, Carol, Tony, Clint and Benjamin Grimm were leaning against the walls with their asses out. Clint was held over Ben's shoulders yelling. Meanwhile, Jen had a deer caught in headlights look and Carol seemed rather expressionless flipping a coin in her hand.

"Not at all!" Tony said walking over to him. "We're holding truth to the statement of bouncing quarters off asses." Bruce gaped at him. "Don't worry. I got everyone's consent beforehand."

"Not mine!"

"Well not Clint's but everyone else's."

Bruce looked over the display once more in mild interest. This was probably the thing Pepper warned him about before she left. She said if he let Tony wander unsupervised without any supervillain battles things would get ...crazy. The scene looked as though they were about to start making a pornographic film; Bruce only watched those types of movies from a purely scientific point of view, nothing sexual, even if he had a better— But that wasn't important. An idle mind was the devil's workshop and that statement reigned supreme for Tony Stark. Still, when Bruce wasn't available it was Carol who reined in Tony's insanity but she was involved in this mess. Steve would probably put an end to this being the giant mama bear of the Avengers (alongside Carol) but he was still at S.H.I.E.L.D. for whatever reason.

Bruce went back to pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm probably going to regret asking this but what brought this on?"

"Ooh! That was all me Bruce-bear." Bruce sighed at the nickname. Damn Jen. "I saw everyone in the kitchen with their cute frilled aprons..." Bruce nodded since they were still wearing the aforementioned aprons. "And one of my pictures caught Barton on the floor and I saw his marvelous quarter bouncing quality ass and I commented then Thor was all like – you can bounce quarters off asses – then we decided to test the theory." Jen rocked back and forth on her heels grinning.

"Do us a favor and double check your family tree to see how you two are related Doc."

Bruce nodded at Bucky. "Noted." Jen pouted. "Am I to participate in this ass quarter bouncing contest as well?" Bruce tried not to notice how most of the people perked up at his question.

"No, I already know what your ass is capable of." Blushing, Bruce facepalmed. Carol whistled and the perked up expressions perked up even more if possible.

"Ha! I knew Tony and Bruce were bumping uglies!" Clint hollered still over Ben's shoulder.

"Shit." Natasha growled.

"Bumping uglies? Good God man, what are you twelve?" Ava shook her head, "oh shit! I lost the bet too!"

Peter tilted his head; they bet on Johnny's tracking device location so now they bet on who Tony was sleeping with? Why wasn't he more surprised about that? "If I may inquire... what is this so called bet you speak of?"

Ava turned to him frowning. "Oh right. New guy." He didn't have much of a comment for that. While he did work here for longer than most of these people had been around he was considered the new guy amongst them since yesterday was the first time he truly got to 'hang around' with the Avengers. "Well since Tony and Brucey-bear." Bruce grimaced shaking his head at Jen who shrugged somewhat innocently, "are science buddies – or science bros, whatever – Clint thought they were doing the horizontal mixture of equations."

"Very nice metaphor Ayala."

Ava grinned. "Thank you kindly Barton. I thought since he and Rhodey are besties that they were... I don't have a metaphor for that but you know what I mean. Nat thought he was screwing around with Steve since they are like the mom and dad of the Avengers."

"And... I am still in this bet since I think there is still a possibility of him with all three of them."

Ava glared at Thor, "right... what he said."

"Oh shit Thor, really? I know Tony's a flirt but..." Jen cracked her knuckles, "if you think I'll let you have Bruce as a side piece you got another thing coming—" She growled. "Three guys Stark?! Three guys!? I don't know whether to be pissed or jealous!"

"Wait a sec..." Everyone turned to Peter who gulped. He didn't know if he was overstepping his boundaries here but what the hell they hadn't killed him yet, plus his body was against the wall like a frisking on one of those cop shows so he had nothing to lose. "If there is a possibility of Tony with all three guys then all of you have the option of still winning the bet." Ben turned around giving Clint the opportunity to gape at Peter incredulously.

"Not true. We made it perfectly clear about what we meant, when we said who we said we said it could only be one of them." Peter tilted his head at that. "If he pretty much just outed himself saying he knows Bruce's ass then they obviously did something intimate whether or not its sex doesn't matter. Nat and I are out. Bucky..." The brunet in question avoided eye contact with everyone, "said Bruce and Rhodey. Carol said Bruce and Steve which means they're still in it too."

Carol shrugged. "Luke's also out because he said Steve and Rhodey."

"Of course if its proven that Tony is with either of them too Clint is out."

"Thanks for the heads up Nat, didn't peg you for a sore loser." The redhead casually flipped him the bird which had him laughing.

"You guys don't have much else to do then bet on a guy's sex life?" When everyone shook their heads Peter sighed. Of course not. Apparently battle supervillains and stopping world ending crises were not high priorities for these people. Nooooooo, their main priority lies in making bets about their friends!

"Don't worry your cute little butt Petey. Tony's not the only one..." Jen glanced at Natasha who rose an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that, you know what I'm talking about."

"Stark, don't you have something to say?"

"And end the guessing game Ayala? I think not. Its quite flattering seeing how much you guys invest your thoughts to me." Tony clapped his hands startling everyone. "Now lets not get distracted by the bet of who I am or am not banging and continue with our experiment."

"Why not be apart of the experiment yourself Stark?"

"Barton my good man I am always up to dropping my pants among a large crowd."

"No! Don't do that here!" Bucky yelled shielding his eyes; Ava, Carol, Sue, Clint and Natasha followed suit. Sue also turned invisible but the sleeves moving over what were assumed to be her eyes were enough proof.

"I don't know why you're acting so prude. We shower together for crying out loud. And for the record, Barnes, my ass is a masterpiece; it should be carved out of the finest quality of marble!" Tony nodded to himself. "But if we're all keeping our clothes on I'll comply."

Bucky shuddered. He did not want to see Tony's pants-less ass again in this or any other lifetime. "Its still not as good as Clint's." Natasha mumbled then frowned as everyone looked at her. It was the most her expression changed since Peter first saw her yesterday. "You were all thinking it."

"You know what? Fine! I'll humor you." Clint wiggled from Ben's grip. "Bounce me Nat."

"Why her?" Jen sounded almost offended.

"Its property of Natasha Romanoff, remember?" Natasha smirked catching the quarter Carol flicked over to her. "Lay down szivi."

"Why is it that she only says sweet words in other languages? She is saying something sweet right?" Ava tilted her head. "I feel like she is..."

"Because she knows none of you will understand." Bucky rolled his eyes, "tényleg?" With a smirk, Natasha nodded. "Of course."

"Hold on, you understand her?" Bucky glanced at Clint then shrugged. "Fucking... switch to a new language Nat."

"Mais j'ai eu tellement de plaisir..."

"I understood that." Tony said smugly.

"Me too! Wait—" Jen frowned, "nope. I know it was French though." As Jen tapped her chin Bruce sighed.

Bucky shook his head. "Une langue à un moment, Je ne pense pas qu'ils puissent suivre." Natasha's eyes widened for a fraction before she smirked then nodded.

"Oh shit, he's a male Natasha!" Ava said with a groan.

"Less talking and more quarter bouncing if you people don't mind. Our dinner is in the ovens."

Ava looked over Tony's shoulder. "Is he supposed to be laying down?" Pretty soon everyone was hovering around Tony giving Natasha space as she was standing at Clint's side while he was laying on the floor with his hands propped under his chin.

"Ready?" He couldn't see where she was talking from but he nodded anyway.

Natasha squatted down with the quarter in hand then slammed the quarter down on Clint's ass. Everyone leaned closer to see that it did in fact bounce pretty damn high before falling back on his ass.

"It'll only bounce once?" Jen said with a huff. "Well, its better than nothing."

"Alright, we can finish this experiment more after we eat. Lets start setting the table." Everyone minus Peter trudged back into the kitchen with a chorus of yes dad. Carol turned to Peter smiling. "You should probably wash up for dinner." Great, now she sounded like Aunt May. "It'll take a few more feast nights to let you in on the table setting. We don't even let Ava set the table yet." Peter leaned to the side so he could peer into the kitchen watching Ava sit on the counter passing plates and things to the people who kept coming in and out. "No hard feelings?"

Damn this superhero family was hardcore. "No hard feelings at all. I'm still technically a guest, right?"

Carol laughed, "oh no. You're family! Tony already thinks of you as a little brother." Peter blushed, "but... you're pretty much like a newborn and it wouldn't help with the table setting—"

"Done in four minutes and eight seconds Ms. Mom— Danvers, sir. Ma'am. Captain. Dad." Clint saluted then Carol nodded as he walked off.

"See? Got a good thing going here." Peter whistled. He saw Ben leaning against the counter talking to Ava. Obviously, neither Ben nor Sue would be included in the family-esque table setting deal since neither of them made frequent visits (Sue told him yesterday it was her first time in Stark Tower) but why was Doctor Strange helping out? Was he an Avenger too? If he wasn't, was he a more frequent visitor? Or was it because he could make things float?

"Oh you guys got cake!?"

"Hold your horses Parker." Peter stilled – not that he could move anyway with Carol gripping him by the collar. "You didn't wash up." Her voice was downright lethal and Peter nodded dumbly. Once he was released he hauled ass to the nearest bathroom then washed his hands and his face for good measure. He didn't know whether it was some kind of power glitch or maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him but the room seemed to darken a bit as Carol spoke to him. Suddenly rule one made a lot of sense.

Taskmaster noticed two things immediately when he entered Deadpool's apartment via the key he took from his unruly apprentice. First and foremost was it was empty. Deadpool was loud and Jess, if possible, was even louder but thankfully nowhere near as annoying. A loud, unruly, annoying apprentice was a fate worst than death; but a loud and unruly one he could handle. They usually greeted him with their voices and occasionally their mask-less faces; sometimes their masked faces. Secondly, the apartment was clean. Empty and clean meant they had somewhere to go and spent a lot of time trying to figure it out why/how which resulted in a clean apartment. Shiklah couldn't pay him all the money in the nine realms and expect it to be enough to tame Wade. While she was off in another dimension or wherever a demon princess monster goddess or whatever the fuck she was usually goes to blow off steam (and as Wade as a husband Taskmaster figured that had to be quite often). She heard about him through Wade and figured he'd be the 'best person' to keep an eye on him. He tried to tell her – correct her on a few things but she turned into some kind of freaky human eating sized monster and Taskmaster had absolutely no intention of becoming her dinner so he reluctantly agreed. Plus, she was paying him a hell of a lot and even if Deadpool got into trouble he couldn't die from it so it was no real problem. Jess, on the other hand, was not immortal but Deadpool grew somewhat (over)protective of her after finding out her secret identity and, strangely enough, vice versa. Jess actually killed a dude who tried to get Deadpool but in hindsight that was before she found out he couldn't die.

She wasn't as enthusiastic about her training though. With a sigh, Taskmaster thought of plopping down on one of the couches but he remembered Wade had this annoying habit of sticking weapons in places weapons were not meant to be stuck in. Taskmaster, too, was not immortal and the last time he sat on one of Wade's shitty excuses for furniture he got a sword wedged in his arm. Who the hell booby trapped furniture anyway? As some sort of act of payback, he threw the sword at Wade and it cut the guy's arm off so he felt a little better. Wade running around screaming trailing blood on the carpet made for good entertainment.

On the clean side table was a note with Jess' neat handwriting. 'Tasky~ we're off to see the wizard! Wade told me to put that.' Underneath Jess' handwriting was Wade's. 'Actually, we're off doing something you said we probably shouldn't do. Jess told me to put that.'

Fuck they were idiots. If Spider-Woman didn't have so much potential he would have just left her at the Hydra base with the other half-wits but no he had to give a fraction of a fuck and take her with him training her personally. It took an insurmountable decrease in his wages to take her in but she was able to pay back as much as he spent with her spy skills. Plus she had a bit of rebellious charm that he couldn't possibly ignore even if it was a pain in the ass on the battlefield. Of course he couldn't fully remember what exactly led to him taking her in but that didn't matter.

What mattered was him finding out where these idiots went off to. If Jess thought she got off easy with hours of basic grunt training she had another thing coming.

If possible, the eating area only seemed bigger than it did yesterday. Instead of the cafeteria styled eating assortment, there was one huge ass table composed of all the smaller tables put together plus that monster table that had all the food. Only the huge put together assortment of tables had food on it and the plates were set like a good old traditional family dinner. There seemed to be more food than yesterday too.

"Friends!" Thor began putting his cup in the air, "no need for speeches or pleasantries this time around. Let. Us. Eat!" Everyone cheered then took their seats. Peter didn't know if there was an order or if they just sat down at places randomly.

Peter's spider senses went off but he managed not to react as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Natasha's hand. Natasha – Black Widow – who was watching Spider-Man's 'fight' (if you could call it that) yesterday. "You can sit wherever you'd like. A little word of advice, though?" Peter nodded. "Don't get in the way of Bruce and food."

Peter couldn't help but ask. "Is that rule number three?"

"Oh? You know about the rules then?"

"Not exactly. Ava told me one was not to piss off Carol then two was not to defile the kitchen."

Natasha nodded. "Then I'll tell you three and four: three – the food is first come first serve. We don't hold places or take requests to hold anything, sorry." She might have said sorry but she didn't sound very apologetic, if anything her voice took on a more humorous tone. "And four would be not to get in the way of Bruce and eating – hell just Bruce with food in general. Trust me, its for your own good. Now you may want to take a seat next to something you want to try before its gone."

"Thanks Natasha."

"Don't mention it."

Peter nodded walking off. He saw the cake and immediately took a seat in front of it mindful of the fact that he was drooling a bit. "Hey..." He glanced at the person to his right and did a mental cheer to see it was Doctor Strange. Why? Because he barely spoke to the guy and he was intent on being at the very least cordial with these people. Most of them were people, right? "Doc, is there some kind of rule about eating dessert first?" Peter really hoped there wasn't. That cake was begging to be cut into then devoured by no one but the brunet. Common decency be damned, he was getting some of that cake!

"Rule you say?" The good doctor glanced to his right then back to his left at Peter. "No. Carol says its alright but Steven would disagree. They have very different parenting styles."

"I'm sorry, parenting?" He heard that correctly, didn't he?

"You were not informed? The Avengers have three parental figures. Tony Stark and Carol Danvers are like the fathers of the Avengers while Steven Rogers is the mother." So if Tony was like the dad [one of them] why was there no bet on him bedding Carol if she a parent too? Wait, why on Earth (or wherever) was Steve a mother and Carol a father?! Shouldn't be the other way around? Was it something he should really be thinking about?

Peter didn't have the good fortune of meeting the only Avenger he actually heard of safe from Iron Man (and he met the guy before he actually became an Avenger too) but time to digress.

Captain Freaking America – a man among men, the living legend, the super soldier, possibly the coolest guy in the history of the world – Steven Grant Rogers. Peter had all the Cap memorabilia growing up: the trading cards, action figures, shield replica, the Halloween costume, plastic plates, bubble bath, you name it (he still collected some to this day but that was irrelevant). According to Tony (who seemed just as saddened by the news as Peter) Steve didn't live in the tower because his best friend was skeptical about the whole thing. Peter didn't know who that person was but they had better get their act together soon. Every second that guy or girl was not living here meant another second Peter wasn't sharing a meal with a national frigging icon!

Either Peter had awful timing or Cap had something akin to spidey senses (or super avoiding Peter senses) because evidently the man was always around but never when Peter was here. Like in the case of right now. Peter was here but no Captain America. He was told Captain America was here two days ago but lo and behold Peter was off. Did he need to put a Captain America tracker somewhere? No, that would make him seem like a stalker. He just had to play it cool and wait (begrudgingly patient) for his opportunity to meet then subsequently get an autograph from Captain America. Maybe if he waited long enough the big guy would let him use his shield!

Peter was so giddy wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost didn't realize the cake that sat in front of him was about half the size that it was a few seconds ago. Doctor Strange was on his right dabbing his face with a napkin and the seat on Peter's left was empty. A few seats down he saw Clint getting food thrown into his mouth by that Bucky guy who was next to him, well an empty seat was in between them. Natasha was in across the table (in front of the empty seat between Bucky and Clint) expertly throwing food into both of their mouths. How they did that he'd never know.

Peter shook his head. He'd get distracted after he got some cake. The brunet managed to get a good sized piece on his plate and he barely got the chance to blink before the rest of the cake vanished. Rule three ladies and gentlemen. You wouldn't know they had a meal slightly smaller the night before with the way these guys ate!

Ava was in front of him grinning. "Barton, Pete here's got an empty plate."

Clint leaned forward in his seat but Carol sent him a look that made him lean back. This table was long Peter didn't know how they managed to see one another with all the food and other people in the way. Carol was at the end of the table and Clint was somewhere in the middle!

"I really shouldn't be doing this but its a good thing you sat next to me." Peter looked up at the doctor who had a random assortment of food starting to float including something on someone—Bucky's—fork. The doctor then had the food come together and neatly organize themselves onto Peter's plate.

"You're amazing!"

"Yes, I know. Not exactly the best use of magic but someone as small as yourself should not be denied basic sustenance." What was wrong with these people?! So what if he wasn't six feet yet, he wasn't small! Doctor Strange glanced to the right again, presumably at Carol, before turning to Peter nodding. "I got a fraction of everything. All your dietary needs. It is a bit of a rule here."

"Thanks Doc." Peter did a double take; another rule!?

"It was my pleasure surprisingly."

"Um..." Peter twiddled his thumbs, "about that rule? Mind explaining it a bit better?"

"Of course. How many rules do you know?"

"I was told four: one and two by Ava, three and four by Natasha. How many rules are there?"

"I'll admit I am not even certain myself but if you were told rule three then this is a bit of a sub-clause." Peter nodded. "Food is on a first come first serve basis but, according to dad over there..." He jerked his head in Carol's direction, "we need our basic dietary needs met in every meal. So while you are entitled to get what you can you also have to get a bit of everything, at least the healthy stuff... or whatever is left of it. Certain things we are required to eat or new things we are all supposed to try get passed out as opposed to being left on the table."

Ah. Rule three sub-clause. Interesting. Superheroes probably did have a higher metabolism than non superheroes. Peter recalled a lot of nights after superhero-ing that he was just famished and raided his fridge with absolutely no compassion whatsoever.

Peter glanced down to his left and saw the end seat was empty. Maybe Steve sat there? His brain whimpered slightly at the thought. Tony was in the seat next to the empty end seat though and how a roll flew across the table and landed in his mouth was... odd. To make matters all the more odder a roll landed on Peter's plate.

Before he got the opportunity to question what the hell just happened in the span of three seconds. Clint and Bucky were standing in their chairs flinging rolls across the damn table either in people's open mouths or on their plates. Surprisingly, Carol seemed fine with this; Bucky managed to land a roll in her mouth.

"Is this normal?" Probably the whole passed out food part the doctor just told him about? But he didn't think it was literal.

Doctor Strange was dabbing his face with another napkin. "Tuesday night roll flight? But of course." Oh great, they even named it. Peter started eating before anymore craziness could ensue. He didn't know what was on his plate but everything was delicious! He was pretty sure he was moaning out loud judging by the looks Ava kept giving him across the table but he couldn't help himself. Or bring himself to care.

"Hey!" Peter looked up not knowing when Natasha moved from her seat but she was holding a tray approaching the table. "Everyone gets one. Understand?"

"Nat, pivot your body a bit to the right."

She nodded at Bucky before complying. Peter's eyes widened as she flung the tray in the air and whatever was in it managed to fall out and land perfectly on every single plate. Everyone clapped and cheered. This was, by far, the strangest dinner he had ever been invited to. Yesterday's feast was a bit formal but this seemed more like a common occurrence.

"I am eating with you guys every night!" Jen said seated next to Carol on the right.

Peter looked down trying to decipher what was in front of him. It looked like an éclair but there was no chocolate or anything on it. Well whatever it was the scent wafting from it was nothing short of heavenly. Peter glanced around and no one seemed to be eating yet. It was disturbing considering the lack of remorse these people had for food. Was it poisonous? Was it even edible?

"Alright." Janet came flying in. Like literally flying with another tray. "Ladies and gentlemen, hope you saved room for some Asgardian burritos!" As everyone cheered Carol cleared her throat silencing everyone. "Dessert style!" Peter looked around again and saw that everyone's mouths were open then Janet nodded. "That's right! You did not mishear me!" She held the tray down giving everyone a small opportunity to look at the contents of her tray. "Prepare to have the door to your taste buds blown wide open!" She flew over to Peter placing one on his tray next to the éclair type thing. It was then when he realized she was less than a foot tall carrying a tray more than three times her size. He thought she simply looked small because she was far away! "I'll get you a regular one later." She said with a wink before flying off.

Janet was placing a burrito on Natasha's plate when an alarm started blaring overhead. Everyone looked up their expressions ranging from confused to just plain angry. "An emergency, during dinner? Now that is just rude!"

"I'm sure the bad guys didn't know they were interrupting dinner time Thor." Clint whipped out one of his arrows from the quiver on his chair back. The arrow projected a screen of a scowling dark-haired woman. "Talk to us Hill." Peter half expected Carol to say something about weapons at the table (since no one else seemed to have any and Thor's giant hammer was a good distance from the table) but she simply sat there with her arms folded over the table glaring slightly. Not glaring at anyone in particular but just glaring. Also, Clint just had the quiver behind him the bow was beside Thor's hammer so perhaps they were simply used as communication to whoever this Hill lady was.

"Are..." She looked around, "let me guess, Tuesday night roll flight?"

"You missed that. We're trying new dessert burritos so this better be a damn near catastrophic call."

"New dessert..." She shook her head. "Remember Spider-Woman, from yesterday's news cast?" Everyone grunted noncommittally. "Either she was stood up by her counterpart or she's back for a rematch. She's not alone this time, she brought a friend: Deadpool. They're taking down S.H.I.E.L.D. agents like no one's business. But surprisingly, given Deadpool's track record, they have not killed anyone. There haven't even been any real injuries other than guards being found unconscious."

"Is this really something that requires all the Avengers?" Tony asked with a sigh. "I mean its Deadpool for crying out loud. He's... he's... what's the word?" Tony looked around the table for answers.

"Obnoxious?" Natasha muttered.

"Loud, yes?" Thor replied.

"Unkillable? That's a word, right?" Jen tilted her head, "I think that's a word."

"Dangerous?" Bruce said frowning.

"Super annoying?" Ava said with a groan.

"Reckless?" Replied Bucky leaning back in his seat.

"Inconsistent?" Janet yelled floating by.

"Someone said loud, right?" Clint asked then was met with a nod. "How about neutral?"

"How about all of the above and then some?"

Hill rolled her eyes. "None of that matters now. Assemble the Avengers Stark."

"Yeah... see, I would— I truly would —however this isn't a full-fledged all the Avengers sort of thing. Who wants to go?"

"You're seriously asking for volunteers?!"

"You're right, I won't get any so I'll assign eight Avengers for you which should be more than enough Director Hill; second in command sort of thing. Barton, you two get along somewhat. You're in." Clint groaned dropping his head on the table but still keeping the left hand holding the arrow up. "With Clint comes his sniper buddy and buddy-buddy. Who else? Ava, Janet, Jen and Doc. That—was seven. Carol too." The blonde gasped. "That is my team. And I promise we won't finish eating until you guys get back." Everyone not called groaned. "Nat, you're in command." The woman nodded before her face went off the screen.

The redhead nodded at Tony before pushing her chair back. The others begrudgingly followed suit. "Lets suit up."

As the eight of them walked off (seven really since Janet was still flying), Peter frowned. Spider-Woman worked for Taskmaster and now she was with Deadpool? Did this lady have a poor judge of character or what? Still, if she wanted a rematch Spider-Man would have to make an appearance but how exactly was Peter supposed to make himself scarce? And around the Avengers no less only to bump into more Avengers?

"So... now that meal time got postponed anyone up for a movie?" Tony looked up as he leaned his chair back staring at Thor. "Yes?"

"I volunteer to join the team."

Tony tilted his head, "excuse me?"

"Deadpool will feel the wrath of Mjolnir for interrupting the Avengers meal time! The woman of spiders too."

"Whoa! Settle down big guy." Tony turned his chair around to face Thor. "You're free to beat them to a pulp if that's your heart's desire. Any objections?" Everyone looked around at each other before turning back to Tony. "I'll take that as a no." Thor nodded then walked off. "Okay, about that movie?"

Spider-Woman rounded the corner panting. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were firing at her, she was pretty sure she could take a couple of bullets in the arms or maybe the legs but she wasn't about to test said theory at the moment. Or get a shot to the head in the process. She couldn't take one of those, no sir. She and Deadpool were committing petty little 'criminal' like acts for over two hours and Spider-Man had yet to show. They hung around all the Spider-Man related popular hot spots (according to Deadpool) and he was nowhere to be found. It was just rude! It shouldn't take this much to get a little attention!

She growled looking up. "Wade is a dead man..."

"He isn't the only one." Spider-Woman yelped as Taskmaster hopped down from who knows where and crouched on the dumpster in front of her. Though he was wearing a mask she was pretty sure he was glaring. Like the kind of glare that can set you on fire or cause puppies to explode. Great, now she was thinking like Deadpool. "How many times have I told you listening to Wade is a bad idea?" Wait, was he reading her mind now? Oh right, she had to answer the question.

"Um, approximately thirty-seven times boss." Taskmaster sighed. "Oh... that was rhetorical." With her super sensitive hearing Spider-Woman heard the sound of a plane, or a jet, something high and fast above. "I think S.H.I.E.L.D. sent for reinforcements. Think they'll let me off easy?"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Right. I suppose I'll have to work for getting out early with good behavior."

"You won't get caught."

"If...?"

"If you actually listen to me for once!" Spider-Woman shrank back. "Shit... you are so insufferable."

"Tasky! You came." Taskmaster sighed spotting Deadpool hop down beside Spider-Woman. "Look at us, the trio of neutrality~"

"I told you we are not calling ourselves that. Hell, we aren't even a team."

"We are if you want us getting out of here and not in prison."

"Or worse." Spider-Woman added then shut up when Taskmaster looked down at her. "I think I'm going to shut up now."

"Good plan. I don't suppose you two idiots were trying to find Spider-Man, were you?" They glanced at one another before nodding. "This is your idea of a rematch then? Its worse than the broadcast yesterday."

Spider-Woman grimaced. He chewed her out about that yesterday too. In all honesty that lecture was a thousand times worse than any grunt training... but not as bad as the you're out of your league lecture that soon followed. Before anyone could say anything else a rumble of thunder was heard.

The three of them looked up at the darkening sky. "Spider-Man didn't suddenly get the ability to control weather, did he?" Deadpool and Taskmaster shook their heads slowly.

"Congratulations Jess, now you got the Avengers on you." Spider-Woman gaped at him then at Deadpool who was pointing up.

"The sudden change in the sky could only be Thor." As if one cue a bolt of lightning crashed down. [Ouch, Jess is so fucked... and not in a good way!]

They both looked down at Spider-Woman who gulped. "There is no ...easy way getting out of this." He turned to Deadpool. "See how many of them are there."

"And put my ass out there to get electrocuted? Wait! When did you—"

Deadpool yelped as Taskmaster grabbed the front of his costume bringing him closer. "So help me Wade if I get killed by one of the Avengers—"

"Alright! Alright! No threats!" {But its unlikely he can actually do something if he's dead.} [Still, Tasky is a friend (despite what he says) and we can't possibly afford to lose any friends.] {Because we do not have a bunch to spare! And even if we did friends like the baron of fun sucking don't come around that often.} [Besides, if we do get him killed he'll probably find some way to get resurrected then endlessly torment us!] Yeah, the boxes made their point. And a life without Taskmaster's nagging and rare acts of kindness was not a life Deadpool wanted to take part in. {I believe he is what the manga term describes as a 'tsundere.'}

Taskmaster reluctantly released him and all the while grumbling, Deadpool climbed the fire escape of the building then scouted the area. He saw Thor in all his hammer-wielding, lightning bringing glory, then there was the BAMF [Acronym for bad ass mother fucker ladies and gents; though mother-fucker might be considered one word by most people.] known as Black Widow – {We forgot her real name because she kept telling us a new one every time we came in contact.}, followed by Ms. Freaking Captain Marvel herself [Swoon!], the wonderful green She-Hulk [Who kicks our ass every opportunity she gets!] {And I'm thinking this time will be no different.} and lastly was the 'sorcerer supreme' Doctor Stephen Strange. [Wait, his first name is Stephen?!] {Was that written earlier?}. A small team of powerful fuckers with the sole intent on bringing him down. Sure, he couldn't die but he could still feel pain those five would undoubtedly bring the pain. {Particularly Black Widow.} [No dude, particularly She-Hulk.]

Apparently, Taskmaster had enough with all the waiting because he was on the roof too with Jessica. "I see... so, the chances of us getting out of here unscathed and out of jail have been decreased to less than five percent."

Spider-Woman frowned. "I hear something coming..." They barely had time to react before an arrow of all things came out of nowhere pinning Spider-Woman to a door. "What the—!? That moved faster than my reflexes."

"Barton my good man! You're here too!" [Our poker buddy is here!] {But he's with the Avengers which means he'll probably put a hurting on us.}

Deadpool waved as Clint came sliding down a telephone line thing landing in front of them. "Hey Wade. Tasky." Taskmaster folded his arms over his chest grunting. Why people thought they could call him that was beyond him. It had to be fucking Deadpool's fault. He was Taskmaster for crying out loud! An international, intergalactic 'super villain' more like a neutral villain – just a neutral guy occasionally more on the side of villainy than heroism – but nevertheless he should not be saddled with nicknames by the damn Avengers! And if he did get that unfortunate opportunity it should have been something cool! "Listen, I don't want any trouble and I know 'superheroes' get fed that line all the time before they get blasted. I'm gonna level with you guys, the team's down there attending to the agents you guys knocked out. Me, Jan, Buck and Ava –you remember her right?—" Deadpool nodded. Ava the White Tiger was terrifying. She spoke almost as fast as she moved. "—Took the roofs to scout. But I'm getting off topic. I'm actually—we're actually in the middle of eating so if we could reschedule this maybe tomorrow or even in like a few hours? That'll be great."

"And we won't go to jail?"

"Now? No. If we catch you later? Possibly." Clint shrugged. "I certainly won't put you guys away though."

Deadpool jerked his thumb behind him, "you shot Spider-Woman."

"Yeah, don't really know her so I wasn't sure if she'd be up to listening." He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand while the other hand was clutching his freshly used bow.

[Gotta respect the man's logic.] Deadpool nodded in agreement. He too was a fan of the shoot first ask questions later method. And Jess could take an arrow, or two. {Besides, if Legolas was shooting to kill or even injure this would be a very different situation.}

"You said this would be over in five minutes!" Janet growled returning to her normal size with her hands on her hips. "Wade, Tony—" Taskmaster growled and she eeped before standing behind Clint. "Lets act like civilized individuals, okay?" She said tip-toeing from behind Clint and when she was barely visible due to their height difference she moved in front of him. "Thor's pissed because you interrupted our meal time. He said you'd face the wrath of Mjolnir for it!"

"You guys have meals together?" Janet nodded. [That's so cool! I wanna be an Avenger, like now!]

"If we promise to bring you guys back something, will you not commit any crimes in like the next few days?"

"Done!"

"No!" Deadpool and Taskmaster glared at one another. "You're serious right now Wade?"

"Duh! Three of us against... uh, I lost count of how many Avengers are here. Besides, Jan's like the most peppy, honest to goodness, infectiously happy soul all the nine realms and that was a direct quote from Thor himself!" {The parts we could understand anyway.} "Besides, pissing off an Asgardian? A hungry Asgardian?! Yeah, I'd rather not get electrocuted if its all the same to you. What kind of food and how many days are we talking?"

"Lets see, the rest of the week and whatever food Thor decides to cook."

"Thor cooks?!" Deadpool and Taskmaster blurted out unable to hide their surprise if they tried.

Janet grinned. "I'm talking serious mouthgasm food cooking." She glanced at Clint who nodded. "He even makes Asgardian burritos..." Deadpool stood there frozen. It was no secret amongst the super-creatures(?) society that Deadpool had an affinity for Mexican food and burritos were among his favorite things. Taskmaster might be harder to convince since Janet knew nothing about his eating habits; or anything about him in general other than his name. "There's also all the beer you can drink."

"Hey!" Spider-Woman growled.

Frowning, Janet shrank then flew over to her. "This is Spider-Woman?" She looked over her shoulder at Taskmaster who nodded before turning back to Spider-Woman. "You could have some too, of course."

"And what are you supposed to be?"

"Me? Just your friendly neighborhood ticket out of jail." Spider-Woman gulped nodding. "We'd take you back to Stark Tower now but S.H.I.E.L.D. kinda wants you guys imprisoned so we can't do that."

"Still in the same apartment Wade?" Deadpool nodded, "then we'll drop the stuff off there. Remember to stay out of trouble." Clint walked over to the wall where Spider-Woman was against non too gently pulling the arrow out of her shoulder. "I'm assuming you have healing powers?" Scowling, she nodded, "that'll heal in a few hours. You are definitely prettier up close by the way." She blushed but he already turned around. "Lets fly Janet." Spider-Woman gaped as the small fly lady picked the guy up. "Remember, if you guys renege we're gonna have to take you out. We'll see you in about two hours." Then they flew off.

"That's it?! What about Spider-Man?"

"Pick your battles Jess." Spider-Woman sighed. "Good thing I have friends in high places." [That was totally a pun!] "Anyway, lets go. I'm waiting for my Asgardian burritos."

"I can't believe you came out here to deal with Spider-Man then get swayed by food from another world! Actually..." Taskmaster shook his head, "I can believe you did something like that. It would defy all Deadpool logic if you didn't do something so stupid."

Deadpool patted Taskmaster on the back with a nod. {He knows us so well!} [He even said we have our own logic! Tasky get twenty extra cool points for that.]

"Spider-Man didn't show anyway and I kinda wanna try some burritos too." Spider-Woman shrugged.

Peter thought of at least eleven different exit strategies safe from burning the building down but before he got the opportunity to use any the gang came back far more cheerful from when they left. And they were downright morose when they left the tower. The remaining Avengers moved to the in-home/in-tower theater and were watching a Disney movie of all things. These people really blew every expectation out the window. It was probably for the best though, after all they were just regular people who came together to stop multiple threats and whatnot. Tony said it was normal after a long day of supervillainy (or just whenever) to just relax and sing along to classic Disney songs. And he told him if anyone started humming or singing along with anything that happened on screen to simply ignore them. So when the muses started the first song in Hercules and almost everyone was humming along.

"I take it you guys beat up Deadpool pretty well?" Sam asked before stuffing his face with popcorn.

"Nay." Thor said sounding slightly sulky, "Clint and Janet were able to talk him out of doing further damage, which was minimal to start with."

"Talk? Seriously?!"

"Settle Pym, it wasn't any sort of inner pacifist thing. I was too damn hungry to deal with them. Besides, what did they do besides knock a few S.H.I.E.L.D. guys out with some smoke bombs or whatever? No theft, no arson, no murder, a bit of graffiting but that's not really a crime." Clint locked his hands behind his head.

"And graffiting, is not a word." Carol said before sitting on the couch's armrest.

Tony paused the film much to the dismay of his team. "The movie just started so we could always move the food here?"

"Or... we could move the movie to the kitchen?" Everyone seemed to agree with whoever just said that before slowly getting up and stretching before getting into the elevator. Tony popped the DVD out of the DVD player. Peter thought he would have a blu-ray player or something but whatever.

They got in the elevator and rode like fifty floors down (it was only about three but it still seemed like fifty) then they got back into the kitchen— only this was not the same kitchen from earlier. Inside this particular kitchen was the biggest television entertainment center Peter laid eyes upon. All the food from earlier was here too, except it was in trays in front of the couches. It was like the kitchen doubled as a theatre but why have them on two separate floors?

Carol had the remote in her hands as she floated in front of the television, "anyone know the exact minute where Tony took the movie off?"

"It was right after Herc destroyed that coliseum thing and the townspeople yelled and stuff. He was talking to his parents and they gave him that necklace thing during the time they found him." Everyone stared at Natasha who shrugged. "I pay great attention to detail." Carol nodded slowly then put the DVD into the DVD player.


End file.
